On being NORMAL

Normal. A word so commonly used. Especially in the field I work in, normal means has great significance...it means you don't have to see a psychologist. You are not 'abnormal'. You do not have any 'clinical problems' or any "mental health issues". You are coping well with life in general. You are normal.

Even in my search for a place recently, I came across a lot of people looking for someone 'normal' to share their place. I was told by one person that I came across as being normal to them (which may have had to do with me telling them my profession). I did not end up taking that place by the way.

There was an incident in Melbourne yesterday where a father threw his 4 year old daughter off the bridge. In a TV 'interview' with a neighbour, she described the family as being...you guessed it..."normal". She was shocked at what had taken place because, you see, the father was so normal. We don't expect this kind of behaviour from 'normal' people now, do we?


Who decides what is normal and what isn't? If we were to take the DSM-IV (which is how psychologists and psychiatrists diagnose mental health problems) as an example, then it is a bunch of narcissists from the medical field sitting up in their offices making a decision whether I'm normal or not. And who are they to decide whether a person who prefers being by themselves than with others is not 'normal'? Who are they to decide that a child that does not listen to their parents (because actually, it's the parents that have no rules) is not 'normal'? Who are they to decide that if someone prays everytime they have a thought that their loved ones may die, is not 'normal'? Who are they?

Don't get me wrong --- I diagnose mental health problems based on the DSM-IV myself. But I do constantly wonder why we do it. There's some diagnoses I agree with. But then, there's others I loathe such as 'Oppositional Defiant Disorder' or 'Borderline Personality Disorder' or 'Dependant Personality Disorder'. What is it that makes one person more 'normal' than someone else?

In my opinion, being 'normal' is over-rated. Because, no one is. If every person were honest, we would find out that no one meets this 'criteria' of normality.

Not you. Not me.

I'm not 'normal'. I have my hang ups. I get anxious in new social situations. I get anxious about the future. I strive for perfectionism which only helps in increasing my anxiety. I get depressed every now and then. I rant. I am cynical. But hey, apparently, I am 'normal' to the strangers I meet. To the people that don't know me very well. The same way as we all come across to others. Apart from the person muttering to themselves on the street, we all put on a facade of normalcy. Even those medical professionals that wrote up the DSM-IV criteria.

Everyone strives so hard to be 'normal' that they stress out more when they are not.

Why not just accept the reality?

Nobody is normal...

And that's what makes life worth living :)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Let's celebrate

I'm moving next week to what I hope is a temporary place (read: 6-12 months) in order to be able to save up enough money to find my own place (which, by the way, I want in order to be able to have a dog!!! And my own space). It was difficult considering all the whackos out there. In the end, I decided that since the flatmate appeared to not be a psychopath and the place is in a suburb I like, I'd take it. On the down-side, the room I will be in is bloody small! I guess though, working almost 6 days a week means I don't really use the room much. I need to reframe and to keep telling myself to stay positive and things may actually work out quite well.

But, I must say, I still hate moving!

On another note, I'd like to wish everyone a

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY (to those in India)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

And how am I spending my Australia day??? Packing for one. But more importantly, watching the cricket and going for Australia all the way!!!

Do tell, what could be a better way? :)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

25 and counting

I turned 25 last week.

Did it bother me that I've hit 25...that I'm a quarter-of-a-century old?

Does it bother me that I have about 4-5 strands of grey hair?

That I go to bed by 10 or 11 and can only sometimes stretch it out to 12?

Nah....because, truth be told, I feel way older than 25. And no, it's not got to do with anything physical such as the few strands of grey hair or freaking out about getting wrinkles or anything as trivial as these.

Rather, I think it's because of the kind of work I do. I work with 18 year olds whom I perceive as kids...and somehow that makes me feel like I'm about 30-something years old. I see some of their problems and issues which as an 18 year old I never thought I would face. I see little kids having horrific childhoods.

I've always been told, even as a teenager, that I am very mature for my age. I never understood that because I can have my silly nonsensical moments.

But now I do.

I feel older than some acquanitances here who are 26 or 27 who still live at home. Who still have mum cook them their meals. Who go out and party because there's no worry about saving money to pay the rent or the bills. Who drink to get drunk.

Yeah, so I turned 25. But I feel about 30.

And no, it does not depress me. :)

I enjoy the independence. I absolutely love my jobs. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. (Okay, let me correct that a tad --- more money would be good!) Bottomline, I'd rather feel 30 or even 40 mentally than be a 20 year old in a 25 year old body.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Lying by omission

I was having this conversation the other day with a friend and with my flatmate about whether it is considered lying if you just decide to not tell someone something.

I personally think it is. My analogy or example for this was if in a relationship, one partner cheats on the other, obviously does not tell the other partner they are cheating --- they are still lying.

My friend wasn't too happy with the fact that I considered 'lying by omission' as a form of deceit, if you wish. She said it made things very complicated.

My flatmate agreed with me but added that it probably could only be considered 'lying' if the other person asked a question with regards to the situation. For example, asking a friend what they are doing over the weekend and if they don't want you to know who they are going out with and just tell you "I'm meeting some friends", that would probably be considered lying by omission.

I've had people lie to me that way. I have found out later they have lied.

I can't say I'm happy about it but I haven't confronted them either (since I do not like confrontations!!)

But it can hurt.

However, it also makes me aware about what I'm saying and being careful whether I'm lying by omission.

Have you ever been lied to in this manner? Or lied to someone else?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Tully

This is the first book by Paullina Simons that I've read. It was recommended by a lady working at at the local bookstore who said that if you like Jodi Picoult, Paullina Simons is in the same line. Same genre.

Based on 'Tully', I doubt it.

Tully or Natalie Anne Makker, is born in Topeka, Kansas on the 'wrong side of the tracks'. Her father leaves when she is very young and she is left with an abusive mother. The book is about Tully's journey through life...through her childhood where she struggles with her abusive mother, her friendship with Jennifer and Julie, her adolescence --- where she drifts away from her friends and enjoys dancing in clubs and pubs and sleeping with strange guys. She faces the biggest challenge of her life at 18 when one of her best friends commits suicide. However, she goes on to uni, gets a job, gets involved with two blokes at the same time, gets pregnant before she finishes her studies, gets married (because she is a true Christian and cannot have an abortion), is numb in her marriage, has an affair and in the end, has to choose between her husband and the guy she has an affair with.

So why did I not like it?

I could not empathise with Tully. Yes, I felt sorry for her when she was abused and when her friend committed suicide. But that was it.

It's hard to empathise with a character that is portrayed as being so self-centred and egocentric. You almost want to hit her yourself! I'm not a prude but I am one who does not condone cheating on partners and considering Tully did that not once, but most of the time, I couldn't sympathise with her. I felt sorry for the guys she played around with. Basically, she seems to have borderline personality disorder --- pushing away those who are close to her and then wanting those when they move away! She cuts herself. She is so self-centred. She wants a win-all situation.

And life isn't like that.

I don't think I would recommend this book to most people. I am going to read another of Simons' books and see if this is her style or whether there is something more.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

House Hunting

I'm at it again.

Looking to move. Sigh.

I hate it, especially when I have no idea what kind of people I may end up with.

I do not have enough money to rent a place myself --- I mean, to pay for the bond, the furniture etc etc. Hence, the best bet for me now is to share a cheap, although decent, place until I can save up enough to have one of my own.

Until that time, I'll have to look through ads saying things such as this:

"I prefer to rent who english can speaks an english especially europian countries who comes from europian countries" (found on a Share Accommodation website)

Anyway, it's because of this, I have been away from blogging for a bit.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Pretty in Pink

Pink is one of my least favourite colours. There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead wearing pink.

But today, I would.

Today, is Jane McGrath Day.



It is being held in the honour of Jane McGrath who passed away last year after losing her fight with breast cancer.

It's a day to raise money for the McGrath Foundation which aims at spreading awareness about breast cancer in women and to fund nurses specialising in the area.

The Sydney cricket ground is supporting this and Day 3 at the SCG is all pink! :)

So go on, wear pink and support the McGrath Foundation. And yes, donate some money to a good cause.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Down in the dumps

I feel low.

I tend to every now and then. It's something most people don't know about me.

I'm not clinically depressed (Although, when I first studied all the DSM-IV psychological disorders, I did 'diagnose' myself with depression and a whole lot of others...but that's a whole other post!!)

Usually, I feel down at 'that time of the month'. Yes, PMS. But, there's other times too. Like if I've read a sad book. And, more often than not, it's when I'm not busy. It's when I'm not working.

I have so much to be thankful for, it's a shame to feel depressed and low.

But on the bright side, I go back to one of my jobs next week, so things should start looking up soon...

I don't want any pity or sympathy. I don't know what I want.

I guess...it just feels good to kinda let this out there into the cosmic cyber world.

Until next time,

Au révoir 2008; Bienvenue 2009

2008 has been a rollercoaster of a year. For me personally.

I started off 2008 with just about a couple of hundred dollars in my bank account desperately looking for jobs. I got turned down for 22 jobs (not an exaggeration) due to "lack of experience". I was starting to get depressed since I told myself I was not good enough and due to being inactive.

Finally, in February, I got offered a permanent part-time position at a school as a psychologist. In the same month I applied for my permanent residency. A couple of months later, I was fortunate that another job opportunity came my way, albeit a maternity leave position. Still, it would give me the experience I lacked. Amidst all this, there was still the pressure of not having my residency and not knowing what might happen. In October I got offered another part-time but permanent position as a psychologist within the health system and I accepted it. I also finally got my driver's license the same month (after failing the test twice!) I also applied for a third job to work Saturdays and was offered the position. And then, best of all, in the first week of December, I got my Australian permanent residency. I ended the year by buying a second-hand car and going on holidays, which I am ever so grateful for considering how I started my year.

I know the economy is in turmoil. There are countries at war with one another. There is poverty in several parts of the world. Terrorists continue to attack. But as selfish as it may sound, 2008 has been a great year for me. It has been a good year despite the stress and the initial uncertainty about the future.

And now, I look forward to 2009. With hope. For me. For the world we live in.

I also have resolutions for myself. Whether they will last is not known.

• I aim to lose weight, exercise more and eat healthy
• I would love to make new friends and join an interest group
• I aim to finally learn to play the guitar and maybe learn a new language
• I hope to go to India to visit my family and friends...finally after 4 long years.
• I aim to try harder to call my friends and talk over the phone. Less texting, more calling.
• I aim to become less negative and less cynical. I get the feeling that people don't appreciate having someone so cynical most of the time.
• I am going to try to become a better person. A more positive person.
  
• And finally, to continue to blog and read blogs :)

I hope 2009 has something special in store for each and every one of you. I hope you achieve your goals, your dreams and even stick to your resolutions if you've made any.

I thank you all for visiting my blog; the comments are truly appreciated and some have made my days brighter.

Looking forward to a hopeful 2009...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!