Tell me your dreams

And I'll tell you what they mean.

Not!

Thanks to Freud, most of us think our dreams mean something. That they reflect our deepest, most unconscious desires. Freud tended to focus on our repressed sexual urges being depicted in our dreams. For instance, I still remember this example from my introductory psych book where a woman had a dream about a train entering a tunnel (read what you want into that...interpret it on your own Freudian-style or otherwise).

I don't get it though. There isn't much research out there to provide evidence that this is what dreams are for everyone. Don't we have dreams about day-to-day stuff? Or dreams about people we encountered during the day? Or even people we may think about but forget? Where is the sexual connotation for all that?

I sometimes have people asking me to interpret their dream and time and again I find myself wanting to bang my head against a wall and scream at Freud. I tell them it doesn't mean anything in particular. When you have a dream about a train entering a tunnel it's just that --- a train entering a tunnel. On the other hand, if you have a dream you are having sex with someone --- then it's a sexual dream. (Makes you wonder why Freud never looked at things in such a simplistic way!)

But do these people believe me? I think not.

I think the lure or the fantasy that a dream may reflect something or have some hidden meaning is much better than the harsh truth that for a majority of us, it's nothing.

I remember looking at a book on interpreting dreams due to this recurring dream of mine (for fun, I swear!!! It's like how I look at my horoscope). Anyway, I tend to have this dream quite often and since I was a teenager or even younger:

In my dream, my teeth fall out. And not just all popping out but they crack and crumble and they break and they have chips and then they start falling out one by one. I can feel the saliva, the blood and the gums. And I wake up to find that all my teeth are intact. I'm not doing anything as such in the dream --- not that I can recollect anyway. Most importantly, the whole thing always feels real and I wake up checking whether they are okay.

The book that I looked at to 'interpret my dream' had a couple of things to say: I fear getting older apparently, I fear the death of a loved one, and of course, there was some sexual connotation which I cannot remember right now (fear or sex or something...).

Would someone please explain why a 12 year old would fear getting older?

Re fearing the death of a loved one --- it's a fear I've had all my life, but, I do have nightmares of loved ones actually dying --- wouldn't that be a better representation compared to teeth falling out?

Fear of sex --- I doubt it. Not a prude so don't think I actually fear it.

Couldn't it just be that I probably like my teeth and having them fall out is not good? Or that I'm stressed?

Who knows?

I do wonder what Freud would have said, especially given that he assumed all women were neurotic and everything was related to sex or aggression.

It may just have been interesting!

Until next time,

Cheers,

Brand new look

As you may have noticed, my blog has a brand new look.

I was partly inspired by Footloose's new blog design. I always wanted a coffee cup on mine and I do reckon her's looks way better but since I didn't want to copy her layout, this was the next closest thing to having a coffee cup on my blog.

I enjoyed updating it even though my previous template was great. Who knows...like in the past, I may just revert back to the sunset one.

But for the time being...this one's good for me. :)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The truth is out there...

I am a huge X-Files fan. It's probably the only sci-fi show I enjoy. I recently bought the whole set of DVDs on ebay for a great bargain --- brand new for $200 with all the 9 seasons and the 2 movies (I know I am supposed to be saving but I couldn't resist when I have been controlling myself at the shops where this is selling for $300).



I still remember the first time I watched it. It was after my Year 10 in the holidays on a Sunday night on Star World. One episode and I was hooked. Not just for the storyline mind you. Nah, I was hooked because of Mulder (David Duchovny) who is just so hot! (I do prefer him as Mulder compared to his recent role in Californication which I can't stand to watch) Anyway, the reason behind buying the DVDs was that I'd never seen seasons 1 - 4. Yesterday arvo, being down with the flu and having the place to myself, I curled up on the couch and caught the first four episodes of X-Files.

The X-Files has always made me think --- is there life out there? I think we'd be pretty arrogant to completely rule it out. Why shouldn't there be life out there? Are there abductions or sightings? Now with that, I'm a bit more sceptical. I think if there are aliens, they are probably more superior than us and I fail to understand why would they ever want to invade earth when we've done a good enough job of ruining our planet anyway??!! There's really nothing here for them in this smog-filled planet of ours.

Going back to the X-Files, I would find myself in the past taking Mulder's side just because I was so in love with his character. Scully's scientific stance did make sense but somehow, I couldn't take her side. What I love about the X-Files (which I find some people don't like about it) is how almost every episode ends with a question mark --- you are never told whether it's Mulder or Scully who is right. There is enough evidence for both sides, both Mulder and Scully make valid arguments --- and in the end, it's your choice.

Maybe that was the intention. To get us to think about these post-show. Maybe it was to get us to open our minds that just because there is no scientific evidence to support something does not necessarily mean there isn't a teeny, tiny possibility that it does not exist or could not happen.

Who knows?

The truth could just be out there...if you want to believe.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Strumming along

I haven't mentioned this yet but I did do something exciting in the past month.

I started learning to play the guitar.

I enrolled as part of the community college which was offering 8 sessions of 2 hours for this term. I thought I'd suss it out and see whether it was worth getting private lessons.

I must say, it's been a challenge. Trying to remember chords, read melodies and understand music, trying to stretch my teeny fingers across the frets...but it's been fun.

I have definitely enjoyed it. At the end of a hard day of work, strumming along has made me feel relaxed...at least for the couple of hours that it lasts. I'll admit, I'm not really strumming...it's more like picking and not yet finding the tune.

But I'm getting there.

My fingers have callouses on them and have the skin peeling off. But like I said...it's fun. Sadly next week is the last lesson for this term. But I'm definitely contemplating enrolling for the second term into the next level.

In the mean time though...I'll practice. Practice till one day, I will finally be able to play a song without stopping and looking and checking...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

I'm Out

...not out of the closet in case that's what you were thinking. (I never went in there)

But I'm out of the place I kept complaining about. A friend of mine had their flatmate move out and wanted help with the rent for a few months. And that's where I step in!!

I officially moved out on Saturday and I could literally feel the tension leave my body. I also had the best sleep in about a month and a half. Slept through the night.

I do have enough money for a bond to be able to rent my own place now.

The problem: I don't actually have the time to go and look at rental places.

Working 6 days a week can do that to you.

So I figure, I can wait it out a few more months as long as I'm living in a place that's keeping me mentally stable.

The happiness is back.

The mood is good.

Blogging is appealing once again...not just to whinge and complain!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

So What...?

This is something that shocks almost everyone I know...

...when I tell them I don't want to have kids of my own.

Honest. I don't. Yet.

I do think of adopting in the distant future but I do not want to get pregnant. Ever.

I don't know why exactly. Part of it is how painful the pregnancy will be. Part of it has to do with me not wanting to take leave from work (a.k.a. me being a workacholic). Part of it is I don't want a baby that poops, cries, vomits etc. etc.

I don't feel the least bit clucky.

I don't feel like going "awwww" when I see a little baby unlike every other girl I know.

When I think of my life in 10 years, I don't see a baby or child in it. [I see me with some little doggies instead!!] :)

Why does it bother other people though that I do not want to have kids?

Why do people think it's the end of the world that I may not want kids of my own?

Contrary to what some people think, I don't hate kids. I work with them every day and enjoy it.

It's the thought of having one full-time that I can't handle. Especially one that will not talk initially.

I guess I feel like telling all the people that judge me for not wanting to have kids --- "so what if I don't?"

Just thought I'd send this question out into cyberspace...

Why is it that people feel a woman must have children and judge her if she doesn't want to?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Sugar and spice and all things nice...

...that's what little girls are made of.

Do you remember that poem?

I would disagree now.

Girls can be extremely nasty creatures. I say this not as a generalisation but as an observation. I do know there are girls and women who are probably made of "all things nice". But there's some that are not.

Girls nowadays seem to be nastier than ever. Bitchier than ever. And no, I'm not talking of grown women. Rather, I'm talking about the teenies and the tweenies.

What has happened to them? Why are they so nasty?

When boys bully other boys, it's usually physical --- the odd-punch up and it's forgotten. In the worse cases of course, there's a lot more physical and emotional bullying referring to the not so blokey-blokes as gay and making other such homosexual innuendos.

But girls...girls can be backstabbers. They can choose not to like another girl just because she may not be as pretty or may be wearing glasses or may be a tomboy or God forbid, eats! And they are much meaner and much more sly.

It's the nasty comments.

It's the dirty looks.

It's the ignoring.

And the spreading of rumours.

And of course, in this day and age, it's through the likes of blogs and social networking websites.

I have a confession. I was a bully too. But I have apologised to the person. At the same time, I have been a victim --- in kindergarten. I had to tear up another girl's book in order to be part of a group. Yes, kindergarten. I got into trouble with the teacher. I remember the day as clearly as though it was yesterday.

I never did get punished for the other bullying as a teenager. But I think that hurt a lot more because I hurt someone else much more. And that was punishment enough.

Why am I talking about this?

It's because I am dealing with this in my line of work. And while I am trying to educate these girls, I honestly do not see much hope. How is it possible when everyone 'cool' on the television and in the media is portrayed as nasty? When reality television loves nasty people? When putting others down is portrayed as being funny?

All I can do is pray and have faith that some day, these young girls will learn a lesson and change their ways to become fine women.

I guess, all I can do, is hope...

...hope for the best.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Final Decision

Okay, so my posts are normally more than just day-to-day stuff.

Unfortunately, since I moved, I've pretty much used my blog to whinge. Just for that, I want to thank you all for bearing with me.

I've made my decision: I'm moving out. I may see if there's a friend who is willing to put up with me for a few weeks but I'm moving out.

The reasons:

1. Housemate 1 asked ex-flatmate to move in and did not tell me last week that he agreed. I heard him say to someone over the phone that the room was taken and only found out this week that ex-flatmate moves in on Saturday.

2. Housemate 1 used some of my laundry powder without asking. He also took a couple eggs without asking. He told me about both later but never bothered saying he'd replace them. Now, I'm not possessive about my stuff but I prefer the respect i.e I prefer being asked. I've lived with friends and the have I always asked me before borrowing stuff and have always said they'd replace it (following which I've refused). It's the principle, you see.

3. I have not been able to focus on my work and my clients the last 3 days due to stressing about the living situation. And work is my priority. If anything messes with it...it's got to change!!!

I know these may sound trivial. But bottom-line is that although Housemate 1 says it's a share place and he wants me to feel comfortable, he has power over me and uses it subtly.

And I don't like it.

If I share, I'd rather share with someone else who is renting.

Or, I 'd rather live by myself.

Will keep you updated.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!