Trip down Memory Lane

Ersa tagged me to write about some of my fondest memories in life so far. I've got 25 years to look back on...

• Meeting Adam Gilchrist last year.
• The games of cricket that I played with friends --- both at school and in the building. I can still vividly remember those days fondly. Right from when I was 12 till I was 20 (yes, 20). I loved the competitveness and pretending to be one of the greats like Gilly.
• The 2 day Khandala trips during my undergraduate years with other psychology students for the seminars. Second year was a bit more nerve-racking than the others because I was presenting. But I still remember how cold it was, how we had fun staying up late and sharing ghost stories or playing games and spend time during the day listening to presentations by students on psychology-related topics
• Cycling --- I loved to ride my bike till I was in the 8th or 9th. I remember how some of my friends and I would wake up early during the summer vacation and 'explore'.
• Years at Xavier's --- I couldn't pick any in particular. But I remember eating samosas and the cheese masala dosa frm the canteen with my friends and having the cold coffee. I remember the time spent in the library completing our psych assignments and at the same time gossiping and talking about our dreams and goals.
• Going to Mahableshwar with my family when I was 20 for about 3 or 4 days. I think we were going away, just the 4 of us, for the first time in several years. It was good to be just the 4 of us (considering we didn't have that since my grandmother moved in with us about 10 years ago and we haven't had any peace since!)
• Coming to Australia by myself, living away from my parents and being independent. Still loving it.

I think that's all for now. I could probably think of a lot more but then it will just get annoying! :P

I tag everyone that reads this blog. :D

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Racial Row

And it's controversy time once again. I must say I love it. Gives me something to blog on. :)

There was a recent incident in Melbourne where four Indian students were attacked in what was allegedly a racial crime. There have also been a couple of other incidents in trains in Melbourne where Indian students were attacked and robbed. And of course, following this, there has been the usual hue and cry from Indians on how racist Aussies are and how no Indians should go to Australia (Bear in mind, some of these comments were from Indians currently living in Australia!!). There are also comments on how this happens only in Australia and would never be seen in the UK or US or Canada. Well, how do you explain this? How come the Indian media did not sensationalise this news about Canada? Is that because Canada don't have a decent cricket team but the Aussies do?

Now, as I have said before, I have so far not faced any discrimination based on my race. All my friends here are Australian. My work colleagues are Aussies with European backgrounds. In fact, I don't really have many Indian friends here. I have been open to learning about the Aussie culture and have picked up the slang and understand the sarcasm and the culture of taking the piss out of people. And I am fine with that. At the same time, my friends are curious about the Indian culture and where possible, I have explained stuff to them.

I am not saying that no one in Australia is racist. I'm not that stupid. There are racists everywhere. All over the world. And if we are all truly honest, I'm sure we would find that we are all racist to some extent or the other.

Indians themselves discriminate based on race, religion, region/language, gender. So it's a situation of the pot calling the kettle black. Individuals of African origin are generally discriminated in India as compared to those of Anglo-origin. Asians are discriminated against. Muslims and Christians are discriminated against in a vastly Hindu country. North Indians discriminate against South Indians. Indian men think western women are "easy" and use that as an excuse for rape. So how is what happened in Australia different to what happens almost every single day in India?

As for the current attacks allegedly committed due to racial discrimination. There is no definitive proof of that. It could just be a situation of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's unfortunate, no doubt. Teenagers nowadays are not like before. They are more violent. They are more feral in groups. And that is all over the world. I see clients that have been released from jail and are out on parole and they range from age 14 to 18. Not all of them are of an anglo or white background. The backgrounds vary.

I guess what I'm trying to say in this case is to not always believe the media. The media presented it as a racial attack. Not the police. The police are looking for the attackers in these cases, as they would for any case.

Having said that, it's common sense for every individual to take precautions in any case in any city or country whether you are white, black, Asian, middle-Eastern, European, Hispanic, or Indian or from anywhere in the world. And most people do try to do that. For instance, in Sydney, when taking a train late at night, it's just good sense to choose the compartment that's next to where the guard is stationed.

And to those Indians claiming that every Aussie is racist --- it might help if you were more accepting of their culture as well. Education is the key. You are open to education and they will be too. Also, integrating with Aussies (or Americans or British...) rather than just staying within the Indian community even outside of India might actually be more beneficial.

Think about it...

and open your minds

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Books, Books, Books

G has tagged me and it has to do with books this time around.

The rules: "Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag up to 15 friends."

1. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

2. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

3. Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult

4. Malory Towers series by Enid Blyton

5. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseni

6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

7. A Time to Kill by John Grisham

8. Tell me your dreams by Sidney Sheldon

9. The Partner by John Grisham

10. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseni

11. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry

12. True Colours by Adam Gilchrist

13. Out of my comfort zone by Steve Waugh

14. Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult

15. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J. K. Rowling (to be fair...I'd put all the HP books!)

Now, who do I tag? (I'm real lazy when it comes to this)

I tag Footloose, Smita, Gigi, Ersa, Ms. R, SSQuo, Lilly, Tearsndreams and anyone else that reads this blog/post

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

For yourself or others

I don't know how many of you are fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

But if you are, you may remember the episode I'm about to mention. If you are not, well, I'm mentioning the episode and I hope you will understand.

It's the episode in one of the earlier seasons where they have a fight around money. Ross, Monica and Chandler all have well paying jobs as against Rachel, Phoebe and Joey. They go to a fancy restaurant ("someplace nice") to celebrate Monica being promoted to head chef. Now, since the latter three don't earn so well, they end up buying the cheapest meals (which is not so cheap in the fancy-smancy restaurants). At the end of the meal, Ross divides the bill for 6 people. (those that don't know the episode...I hope you can see where this is headed). So of course, the others finally say something about the whole money problem and how they always have to spend so much for birthdays and presents and promotions....

Anyway, the point of this post is not to talk about the tv series.

Rather, have you ever been in that situation?

I personally prefer paying for my share of the meal even in a group. And fortunately, my friends and I have done that rather than just dividing the bill. Having said that, in the past I have been with groups where the whole meal is just divided. And it's awkward.

I have been having some minor issues lately. I am in the process of trying to save to get my own place which would also require saving for furniture and well, almost everything. Now, while I don't have problems over meals, it's other stuff.

For instance, a couple of friends decided to go for this pottery painting thing and to me, it was on the expensive side for something I am not even into! So I declined. They invited me to a scrapbooking course and again, I declined. And now I wonder whether they are thinking I'm antisocial or I'm depressed. I rationalised with myself that they live at home with their parents so they don't have as many expenses as I do and they can afford to spend their salaries on other stuff.

Don't get me wrong. I am not completely antisocial. I will go out for a meal or for coffee or even to the movies (as long as it's something worthwhile) but I personally do not see the point of spending money for something that is not interesting for me at a time when I'm looking to scrimp and save. Yes, even if it means I could possibly be alienating friends. If I didn't have concerns about money, I probably would have gone just for the social aspect of it.

The thing is, my friends know I'm trying to save. So a part of me feels justified in declining certain events.

And yet, the anxious part of me thinks --- what if they stop including me in everything else?

Rational me: Too bad! :)

I guess, at the end of the day, if I can't save, I can't get my own place which is far worse than not being asked out to things by a few friends. And I guess, if they really are friends, they will understand and none of the above should matter!

Anyway, do share if you have had any similar experiences. Would love to hear it.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

10 things about me...

I was tagged by Ms. R. Do visit her blog for some lovely poems.

So...10 things about me. Well, some of you probably know it.

10. I love rock songs --- Linkin Park, Green Day, U2, --- so many of them. I can't stand RnB and Hip-hop.

9. I lived in Oman for 5 years

8. I love reading. Fiction and non-fiction.

7. I can still remember my very first Enid Blyton book. It was 'Stories for you' which my parents got me when I was 6. I was hooked to Blyton since then.

6. I enjoy cooking. I couldn't cook to save my life when I was back in India. But since being here, I've learnt a lot and thankfully have had friends and flatmates willing to try out my food.

5. I swear like a truck driver. You wouldn't guess it looking at me :) And I still find it hilarious when my clients (teenagers) apologise to me for saying "shit" or "fucking..."

4. I can't lie well. I have tried but apparently my face gives it away.

3. I love my friends but think I'm very different from most of them (not girly, not a shopaholic, not into dancing...)

2. I question things. A lot.

1. I want a tattoo. But I'm scared of the pain.

I would like to tag everyone that reads this --- so if you are up for it, do let us know 10 things about you!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The Tall and Short of it...

There has been a recent study here in Australia that suggests taller people get paid more. Apparently, for men, being taller than their colleagues can fetch them $1000 more while for women it's about $600.

I am offended.

As a short person, first and foremost.

And as a person that is aware about research and its intricacies.

To those that don't know me: I am 5 feet tall. (or short, if you prefer)

And my height has never been an issue when it comes to work or pay. I'm paid on the basis of my education and my experience. Students, majority of who are taller than me, still respect me and treat me well. My emplyers, who are taller than me, don't discriminate. My colleagues, who vary in height, don't give a damn that I'm 5 feet as long as I can provide them with recommendations on how to deal with their difficult students.

Having said that, my height came up during my job interview at the school. The principal asked me about how I would deal with the boys at the school since the school is of a cultural background where the boys are generally tall. My reply to that was --- just as I would deal with the girls or any other teens I see because majority of the teenagers I see are taller than me. (I think they liked the answer, among others, because I did get the job!).

In my job, I personally think that being short is an advantage. I mean, kids have teachers looking 'down' on them all day...they don't want a psychologist who can appear to be in an authoritative position as well. Me being short, I'm either at their height or shorter which is less intimidating for them. Same goes with the little ones...I'm still not as 'big' as someone who is 5'5 might appear to a 6 year old who is tiny.

Now, to the researchers that conducted the study. Without having read your research, I would like to ask some questions which I think should have been answered before publicising this in the media (which as we know, sensationalises every damn thing!)

1. What was your sample? Did you only choose a sample of high-flying corporates? Because if so, it is skewed and the study lacks external validity. Did you bother to check the education sector, the health sector, the retail sector and all the others...

2. What kind of statistics did you use? Based on the type of research, I think a correlational study was done, and as we know, correlation means there could be several other factors not included in the study that affect the outcome of the results

3. Did you consider other factors other than height? What about education or experience?

4. Did you compare two people, one taller than the other, with the same educational background, same level of experience, same level of skills and expertise, in the same company/sector and see whether their wages were different?

It is unethical to report research without highlighting some of the aforementioned factors. People that lack the knowledge about research are probably right now cursing their biological make-up for being short. When in reality, this research probably lacks validity to be generalised to the entire population.

I know it sounds like a rant from a short person and probably is. But seriously, how are we to believe this?

Do tell me if someone in your workplace, with the same education as you, same level of experience, same skills, same areas of expertise --- in fact just like you in every way except height --- do they get paid differently???

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Bound overseas

So I've booked my tickets to go to India in the next few months. It's been 4 years and 3 months. However, I'll only be going for 3 weeks as that's about the only leave I have. I'm hoping nothing goes wrong this time around. (Back in 2007 when I planned to go, I had issues with my passport and cancelled my ticket one day before I was due to fly out).

Am I excited? Yes and no.

Here's some of the stuff I'm looking forward to:

- Catching up with family (i.e. mum, dad and little sis and a few relatives)

- Catching up with friends --- those that are around.

- FOOD!!!! I'm so looking forward to eating bhel puri, pani puri, vada pao, pao bhaji (My mouth is watering just thinking about those...)

- Shopping for shoes (Now, I'm not a fan of shopping at all...but I find it really hard to find work shoes in my size. I'm a size 5 and all shoes at stores like Big W and Target start their sizes at 6!)

And now, here's the stuff I'm not looking forward to:

- My grandmother (she lives with us and hates me...the feeling is mutual)

- People telling me I've changed (Duh!)

- People telling me I've become fat (What do you expect --- I was a uni student and I can't afford the gym!!!)

- People asking me if I can read their minds now that I'm a psychologist (Sigh!!!)

- The weather (I've chosen the monsoons...and it's always been my worst season)

- And the BIGGEST --- people asking me about my marriage plans or interfering by 'recommending' guys. I'm NOT looking to get hitched any time soon. And if I eventually do, it will be someone of my choice and not an arranged one.

Okay, so now I'm probably a bit more apprehensive about going back rather than excited. I guess one way out is to just meet up with friends and stay home the rest of the time. That way, I can avoid the 'people' I was referring to.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Of movies and books...

I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine yesterday. I loved the X-Men movies and Wolverine has been my favourite mutant not so much for his powers (Mystique's is way cooler!) but rather for his sarcastic nature. Of course, it's an added bonus that Hugh Jackman (drooooool!!) plays the part!

Anyway, back to the movie --- it's a great movie for anyone who loved the X-Men series. It's got the action with other mutants including his brother Sabretooth, Bolt (who can make things move with his mind), Gambit, Wade and others. It leads nicely into the first X-Men movie --- you get to see how Wolverine turned out the way he did.

I give it 4 stars just for the action, the thrills and the eye-candy.

Last night I finished reading Arundhati Roy's 'The God of Small things' (yeah, I know it's very late). And I did not enjoy it. Am I missing something? How did this book win the Booker prize? The story line for me was quite haphazard moving from present to past with no real warning...there were times I had to read back to figure out what time they were talking about. And then the whole nonsensical stuff such as using the Popeye the sailor man song in odd places.

Once again, am I missing something? I mean, I get that she is trying to tackle powerful issues such as child abuse, the caste system, DV, the preference of males....but it did not grip me given the way it was written.

If someone has read it and liked it, please explain.

It was not one of my best reads...quite disappointing. And I wouldn't recommend it.

Anyway, until next time,

Cheers!!!

What's in a name?

A friend at work is from a culture that's a bit similar to the Indian culture in terms of the importance given to men.

This friend, when she got married many years ago, decided to keep her last name instead of taking her husband's. Now, her husband, being an open-minded bloke, had no issues. But his parents did and were appalled that she would choose to not change her last name.

How many other women from cultures such as these are prey to the same problem?

It's something I've always wondered --- why is it a must that women take on their husband's last name after marriage? Why can't women choose without being looked on strangely if they decide to keep their own name?

During uni in Bombay, I had two teachers who had hyphenated their last names and one who kept her own after marriage and I thought that was impressive. I know it's definitely not uncommon in Australia --- there are several women in the field of psychology that stick with their maiden names. Part of it I think has to do with the zillion publications probably.

Now, my last name is 9 letters long (in addition to my first name being 8 letters long) so while I thought the hypenated thing was good, I don't see it being feasible at all. I have decided to stick with my own last name if I ever get married. I guess for me personally, it's part of my identity. It's a name I grew up with. It's a name that's on all my degrees and all my certificates. Why would I want to change it?

What about all you other women out there? If you are married, did you choose to take on your husband's name or was there no choice involved? Do you have your own last name? To those unmarried --- do you have an idea what you might do? And of course, to the men --- would you be okay if your wife chose to keep her last name? Or would you choose to take on hers?

Do share.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Animals on the loose....

And it happens again.

Yet another controversy surrounding the footy players. I am not a footy fan. But I know the players thanks to their wonderful reputation. In fact, I think I understand why cricket is called the 'gentleman's game'.

Footy, in my opinion, is an animal's game. And funnily enough, that's how most of the player's seem to behave.

Urinating in public, going on alcohol binges, abusing drugs, driving under the influence, getting into brawls, glassing women, sexually assaulting women...all of this in the 4 years I've been in Australia.

The problem with all of this is the lack of serious consequences.

How do you expect someone to learn unless they have a consequence? Isn't that how we teach little children right from wrong? (I think I made this same comment re Harbhajan Singh a long time ago...)

But no, when it comes to footy players, they get their 'suspension' following which they play the game. History should tell us that that ain't working. Just as it doesn't work when some students are suspended from school for a short time.

You need something more. You need to take away a whole lot more.

The fame. The fortune. All of it. And only then will they learn. (Or not).

This recent news of the 2002 incident is shocking. What's even more appalling to me is that there are people out there who are blaming the girl. Yes, I heard on the radio that some listeners thought it was the girl who was at fault. They reckoned that because she was 19 at the time, and agreed to have sex with two of the footy players, she shouldn't complain that it led to group sex. What the fuck???!!! To all of those people --- would you think the same if it was you daughter or your sister?

Just because a woman agrees to have sex with two men at the same time DOES NOT mean she agreed to be passed around like a toy among a whole bloody team. It is not the same thing.

The current consequence of that incident is that Matty Johns has been stood down from his jobs. While that is good, what about all the other blokes involved? Where are they? Why aren't they facing any consequences?

Let's hope the NRL takes this seriously this time. David Gallop has said that the players don't respect women and it's shameful --- what are they doing about it???

Simon Williams comments are just an example of how ridiculously arrogant and animalistic some of these players are. And they decide to send him to counselling. Can I just say, as a psychologist --- if a client does not want to change, there is not much a counsellor can do?

It's high time something serious is done about the NRL players. Little kids look up to these blokes (God alone knows why!). They have a huge rap sheet and if any of us probably did things that these players do, we wouldn't be in our jobs today. So why the special treatment?

Let's hope people are at least not so blind as to forgive the players. But the cynic in me says otherwise. That there will probably not be any changes.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Working Workshop

I had a 4 day workshop earlier this week from Wednesday to Saturday. And while it was great in terms of learning and professional development, it was exhausting.

It's funny that I find work less tiring...maybe that's because I do have some down-time at work. At the workshop, we had a working lunch --- which involved working with a partner in a therapeutic session and applying the skills we were taught. So in short, we probably only had about 30 minutes of a break throughout the day.

Anyway, hence the hiatus. I was back later than when I get back from work and too tired to bother coming online.

But back now....

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Decisions, Decisions

Which is the lesser of the two evils?

Is it a case of jumping from the frying pan into the fire?

Caught between a rock and a hard place?

Choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea?

That's Indian elections for you...

How do you decide?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

On being introverted

I thought it'd be fun to try out this personality test and I must say, I'm not surprised (well, okay, I know since I completed the quiz, I shouldn't be surprised!)

I'm an ISTJ person, also known as "The Examiner". My temperament is supposedly "Protector"
Anyway, the point of this post was also to highlight my introversion. Now, I've always had friends that are extroverts or at least, leaning towards extraversion. And sometimes, I reckon, they think I'm weird.
After all, why wouldn't I want to go and party in nightclubs when I was around 18 - 20 years?
And why do I prefer to stay home on a weekend curled up with a book when I could be going on marathon shopping sprees?
Well, the simple answer, my dear friends is that I am an introvert.
While I love my friends and enjoy their company, I do prefer a lot of me-time.
I am socially-stimulated even by just meeting up with one or two friends.
And all-day socialising with a group or going on shopping sprees all day long or even going to nightclubs is exhausting for me.
I do not avoid going out because I am depressed. Why is it hard to believe that I am actually having a lot of fun reading on the couch? Or blogging?
Research shows that introverts need very little to be mentally and socially stimulated versus extroverts. In other words, what I get from meeting a couple of friends for dinner or coffee is equivalent to an all-night party for a major extrovert to get the same 'high'.
So the next time I choose to go to a park and read by myself, it's not because I don't like others. It's not because I am depressed.
It's because, as my personality test shows, I'm 95% introverted. :)
Until next time,
Cheers!!!