Pearls of Wisdom

***This has been written as part of Challenge 18 of Blog This.***

I love platitudes. Except when I am really down or anxious or angry. Then I can't stand them. While growing up I used to have a number of these stuck on my board just as reminders when things weren't going too well.

However, over the years, people have also said things to me. Some have remained. Some I have forgotten.

One that I remember was by a mate telling me "You have to be in it to win it"

I was going through a hard time applying for job after job after job. I had started in September 2007 when I was nearing the end of my course. By December, when the course was completed, I had no calls for an interview and only rejections from each place I'd applied to. The job market dried out over the Christmas period and I was running out of reframes. In January I got my first interview but once again got rejected due to the same reason: Not enough experience. I was getting depressed. Eating a lot more. I was only working Saturdays for 4 hours (my casual job back then) and was trying to live on that. But that job finished around the end of February and I was worried about what I was going to do if I didn't have a job by then. What made it worse was that other places such as Maccas or Woolies wouldn't employ me either because I was over-qualified! It felt like a no-win situation.

I stopped talking to most people. I only interacted with my flatmates. I was getting frustrated. I was getting sick and tired of writing cover letters and answering selection criteria.

But my mate, with those words "You have to be in it to win it" kept me going. I know it sounds simplistic and obvious. But I think my mind was in a state where I could have easily given up...I had after all been applying for almost 6 months by then with no luck. I was getting angry that everyone wanted me to have experience but no one was willing to give me any! I persisted after this...continued to buy the newspaper, check out job sites and apply for more.

And finally, mid-February 2008 after about 25 rejections, I got an interview call and got the job. It was only part-time but it was in the field and it was permanent. I took it and after that, other doors opened. I'm still at that job and grateful they gave me that chance.

I use these pearls of wisdom in other areas too. You need to at least try to get some sort of outcome. Without trying, there is no point.

And that's what I attempt to do in all aspects of life.

Try.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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The Time Traveller's Wife

Time-travel...it's something that has fascinated me for a long time. I am a big fan of the Back to the Future trilogy. So I was looking forward to reading this book by Audrey Niffenegger.

So what’s this book about? Well, it’s about a man, Henry, who has a genetic condition that results in him time-travelling. The kind of time-travelling he does is a bit different to those in the know of Back to the Future. Usually under times of stress, he will find that he has time-travelled either into his past or his future. When he does time-travel, anything that is not part of his body remains in the original spot. So yes, that means clothes. When he is transported to the past or future, he is naked and has to try to get clothes for himself. In the process, he has learnt to steal or to break and enter places.

During this process he meets his wife, Clare, as a child. He tells this 7 year old who believes him that they meet in the future and know each other in the future. He later does tell her that they are married.

The book basically follows the life of Henry and Clare --- Henry as a child, Henry as an adult. Clare as a child and Clare as an adult.

Now for the review part.

What did I like about the book?

• It was a different kind of book. I don’t read science-fiction and I wouldn’t classify this as sci-fi even though the theme is one. I would say the genre is drama
• It’s engaging and easy to read provided you don’t get into the logistics of time travel and wonder how the past Henry and present Henry can meet without people thinking something seriously wrong is going on here
• It keeps you interested

What I did not like:

• The biggest thing I didn’t like about the book was its message on destiny. The book basically says that your life is mapped out for you and there is nothing you can do to change it. I found myself questioning that as I do not believe it. I lean more towards the ‘Back to the Future’ style where you can create your own future by things you do now. On the other hand in the book, it’s like no matter what you do the end result is written and that’s that. I found myself questioning why Clare couldn’t choose to be with someone other than Henry? There was a period in her life when he wasn’t even present. If she did not ‘know’ the future, would she have chosen differently? I mean, how much of what he told her, influenced her decision to want to find him and be with him? How much of that then in turn influence his present self to be with Clare when she told him what his future self had told her (Sorry if that’s confusing...but I hope you get the drift). So yeah, I believe we create our future and don’t like the idea of it being mapped out for us. And that was my biggest gripe with this book.

• The other bit that I didn’t like too much was the relationship between Clare as a child with Henry from the future in his 30s. I do not give a damn about age differences in love provided both parties are consenting adults. Even though there is nothing sexual mentioned, it’s still a bit on the creepy side. Picture this: a 7 year old child seeing a naked 30 year old man. It probably has to do with my profession of working with kids and adolescents, but I did not like those sections especially because the teenage Clare talks about wanting him to kiss her etc and Henry thinking "no I can’t do this" even though there are descriptions of how he thinks she has changed physically when she hits puberty. In some weird way it seems to be condoning paedophilia.

I guess all in all, if you just want a light read, this is good. But it’d be better not to think too much about it or think too deeply. Because then, you will probably have the same ‘meh’ feeling I did. It was good but not great.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Practice what you preach

This news in the papers astounded me.

Organisations that are run by churches in Victoria are going to be allowed to discriminate against individuals based on their sexuality (homosexuals), marital status and parental status (single mothers)  as a 'compromise' for not discriminated based on age, disability, race, physical features (whatever that may be), and political beliefs.

Before I get into my rant, let me tell you about my religious standing. I was brought up Hindu and I currently consider myself to be agnostic. I have faith but I am not overly religious. But I am fascinated by religion in that how it can sometimes be the bane of humankind (my words) with all the discrimination and the religious conflicts. I don't think any religion is better than the other. There are fanatics in all religions that leave me disgusted and make me think that somewhere god is shaking his or her head and wondering what went wrong.

Anyway, this new ruling in Victoria does have it's critics although the church seems to think it's a fair decision. Here's my question: What gives them the right to judge someone based on sexuality or being a single parent? Who the fuck are these people to judge? I can't recall god saying anything along those lines. I know I've heard from some religious zealots that "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" and such crap as a justification that god is against homosexuality. But I'm willing to bet (without having read the Bible, Koran, Bhagwad Gita or any other religious scripture) that there is nothing saying that two men or two women in a relationship or an unwed mother is doomed to hell. [I am willing to be corrected here by people who have read any of these...]

The other aspect of this argument is how does one's sexuality or marital status affect the way in which one does their job? Do they think that a gay employee is going to encourage other's to 'become' homosexual? Do they think a single mother is going to influence other women to get pregnant? I mean, for fuck's sake...where is the justification for this form of discimination (or any for that matter!)

I thought religions were about tolerance and acceptance. Isn't that one of the things they try to teach? I remember learning that while growing up in Oman amongst Muslims, Hindus, Christians and Sikhs.

So what the church is doing (and other religions too) is not practising this. They are teaching people to not accept and to not tolerate those that are 'different'. A single mother might not fit the norm of a 'perfect family' but she still cares for her children and still provides for them. A homosexual couple may not be an example of a 'typical family' but they still love each other. What gives the church the right to not employ individuals that are 'different'?

It's a fucking sham.

And then they wonder whey people are losing faith.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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You know you are addicted to blogging...

...when you wake up thinking "Wonder what I can blog about today"

...when the last thing you do before going to bed is read someone's blog

...when you almost say "Lol" instead of actually laughing

...when you think of other fellow-bloggers at random times of the day

...when you can't wait to get home from work so you can access your blogs (because you aren't allowed to access them at work!)

...when you wonder how many people have commented on your posts

...when you dream about what it would be like to have your own custom domain

...when you mull over blogger v/s WP at different times of the day

...when you find you are quite content 'socialising' with bloggers and have forgotten to call your live friends

...when you think of actually going to a course to understand html codes better. Or to buy a book on the same

...when you can't wait to finish reading a book because you want to blog about it

...when you are constantly on the look out for experiences or events or news stories to blog about

...when the blogger page is visited a lot more than social networking sites like facebook

...when you wish you were a great designer to be able to design your own header and blog template

...when you start your weekend by accessing your blog and reading others' blogs

...when you encourage some friends (Footloose, Joel, Legal Alien...) to update their blogs so you can read more blogs

...when you get frustrated that no one you actually know understands why you love to blog. Or in some cases, what a blog is.

I'm addicted. (In case you didn't guess that given the frequency of my posts)

Do I need rehab? Do they even have blogging-rehab?

Maybe it's not yet a problem. :)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Media Mayhem

I came across this news article in the Times of India and it really got me annoyed. It’s about a student of Indian origin here in Australia that committed suicide due to not being able to find a job.

What I find extremely unethical and ridiculous about this piece is this bit:

“Commenting on the incident that comes amidst attacks on Indian students, Federation of Indian Students in Australia founder Gautam Gupta said that it was an act of desperation.


"It indicated failure of the system. Victorian Premier John Brumby should take personal responsibility for the victim's death," he said.”

Firstly, what is the connection between the supposed racial attacks and this incident? It’s so evident that the Times is just continuing to stir things up and to make it appear that there is some kind of connection. Through a mere statement such as this, they manage to create the impression within India that Indian students are committing suicide because things are so bad in Australia. Have these reporters even come out here to check things? I know one or two have as I saw when I was in Bombay but by talking to just one section of Indians (read: those that live in the ‘Indianised’ areas of Sydney), what hope do they have in getting facts? Why not talk to the other side? To Indians like me. Who love it here. And know we’ve got it good (I know I’m not alone in that!)

Secondly, to this fellow Gautam Gupta: How in the world is John Brumby to blame? Are you telling me that no Indian in India (or anywhere else in the world) has ever committed suicide??? In my 3 weeks in India, the papers had a suicide every single day. Does that mean in the same sense the Indian government “should take personal responsibility” for all those deaths???? And failure in the system --- that never happens in India, does it? India has a perfect system and fights for the rights of everyone including the minorities, doesn’t it?

Suicide is a choice. A bad one, but a choice nonetheless. No one is held responsible apart from the individual themselves (unless it’s assisted suicide). And in this case, for some reason, just not getting a job was enough for this individual to think that the rest of their life was hopeless. I wonder if he heard about the global financial crisis due to which people were losing jobs. It’s a shame he didn’t wait around given that things are going to pick up. Unfortunately, for Indians, psychology is still a developing field. It’s still not common to go and seek therapy and get the help you need if you are depressed because you can apparently “get over it”.

But I digress.

It’s a shame to see what the Times of India has become. I grew up with it and enjoyed reading it even if I disagreed with it re sports. But now, it’s just trashy like every other media outlet. It just aims to sensationalise. Like gossip magazines. It’s a huge fall for something like the Times. They need to take a hard look at themselves and maybe even look at their ethical codes. If they have any. All the newspaper is now, like most gossip mags, is a waste of so many trees.

On that note, I left a comment a few days ago for that article sort of saying some of what I’ve written here, and it has not been approved. I wonder why? (I didn’t use any swear words either)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Blogging bungle or bonus?

For some reason I have been wondering lately whether to move to wordpress or better still, to get my own domain name. I have been playing around with WP and I'm not too happy that you can't change fonts or the themes like you can in blogger. Hence the 'own domain name' bit. I thought at first I could get some satisfaction changing my blogger template...but I haven't found any that are well suited. 

The reasons I also don't want to change include that I have promoted this blog big time and do have good readers/followers. I'll lose my google page rank and other promotional stuff if I change my platform. I'll have to start from scratch. I wonder if I host my own domain name using my blogger profile will result in me being able to maintain all of the above. Or maybe not.

So anyone with any ideas?

It's not good when you are technologically challenged like me and want to do stuff with technology!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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View from the Balcony

I don't know if this made news elsewhere but Sydney was hit by a dust storm today. It wasn't as drastic as the news channels made it out to be (seriously...they even had reporters in different areas reporting on how bad it was!!) To see more pix of today, check out this website.

I also don't know how it's related to climate change...can't such things happen once a while???

But anyway, I woke up to an orange light coming through the blinds...and my first thought was  "bushfires!!!" (because I do live close to the national park...)

But nope. Thankfully, it wasn't bush fires. Rather, it was a dust storm.

And I managed to capture a couple of pictures from my balcony.

It was a bizarre experience. My car was orange a few minutes after it was on the road. And the drive to work was quite different --- it sorta had a twilight zone feel to it.

It still was not as drastic as the media made it out to be.

But it was quite beautiful. Barring my allergic reaction to the dust...I spent my whole morning sneezing and sniffling...through my sessions with my clients as well!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Weight Watching - The Series?

So I've been thinking, maybe it's time to 'publicise' my weighty issues.

By that, I mean I probably should start sharing my bid to lose weight on the blog. The reason is simeple --- I'm so bloody unmotivated that maybe knowing people out there are keeping track will in fact motivate me to exercise!

Unforutnately I cannot afford the gym (which I used to absolutely love!) So I'm going to have to settle for a regime of walking after work and riding a bike once I buy one and swimming for a change in the regime. Plus I want to buy some weights to tone the muscles on the arms etc (FYI, I love doing weights...when I went to the gym I preferred weights to cardio)

I'm probably below average in terms of my size for Australian standards. I'm a size 8 - 10 and the average Aussie woman is a size 14. By Indian standards, I'm a large (yes...I had issues buying clothes when I went to India this year....not happy!!!) 

Either way though, the point is, for my height I'm probably not the proper weight and while I don't want to be stick thin (I never can, to be honest!) but I want to be a little thinner and toned.

My height: 5 feet
My weight: 57 kgs
BMI: 24.7 (Just in the normal weight range)

So I'm going to start this journey and share it with you folks out there.

If that doesn't motivate me, I'm just going to have to pray to win the Lotto so that I can get gym membership!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Yearning to Learn

Lately I find myself browsing through university websites checking out courses. Whether it's another Masters or a Doctors (not the same as PhD) in Psychology or just further education courses, I find myself drawn to studying.

Why?

Well, part of me wonders if I'm just fucked in the head a sucker for punishment!

But then, there's another part of me that really wants to study clinical psychology. Or a new language. Or a creative writing course. Or a course in suicidology. (Yes, there actually is one!)

At the same time, I realise I cannot give up working at the moment. And any psych course would involve me having to cut down my working hours. I need the money. More importantly, I love my work. (Even though at the moment I'm bloody tired!) Pursuing a psych course would mean more anxiety in any case --- another thesis, assignments, placements, assignments --- I'd have to be reallllly good at managing my time. And while I have juggled work and uni, work wasn't psych work which is mentally draining. Work during uni was in the library which was quite all right. I guess the next psychology degree will just have to wait...

I am guessing I should settle for something lighter --- like learning a new language at community college. (Read: Not for the purposes of a degree)

But then here's the next big question --- which language?

German, Italian, Japanese and Modern Greek are some I'm playing with because I know people who speak these and it would help in practising the language.

But...

I studied French for 3 years (shudder!) and can't remember much apart from je m'appelle Psych Babbler, Tres Bien, and Au Revoir. I can't speak Hindi (used to speak Hinglish but after 5 years of no use...that's gone) nor can I speak Tamil (which happens to be my mother tongue) In short --- what hope do I have in learning a new language?

In spite of it all, I'm dying to learn. To have books. To take notes. To sit in a classroom.

Am I nuts? Especially given that I hardly have time.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Stuck in the Middle

Divorce. A common thing when you hear almost 50% of marriages end up that way. Also, of these, 49% seem to involve children. (These are 2007 stats by the ABS)

The reason behind this post is that a number of my clients fall in this catergory of divorced parents. Children are resilient no doubt. And I have no problems with couples getting divorced if they think they need to.

What gets me riled up is when the child is stuck in the middle.

Yes, the cases where each parent bags the other out in front of the child. Where each parent communicates with the other through the child. Where each parent refuses to go to the other parent's place to get something the child has forgotten. Where each parent has a shouting match in front of the child's friends and the child re who is to blame for the divorce. Where each parent tells a professional that the child needs counselling because of the other parent. Where each parent then thinks the other parent is over-reacting re how the child deals with the divorce. Where each parent blames the other parent when the child is in fact sad about the divorce.

What I fail to understand is that these are adults...supposedly able to make decisions. How can they not see what they are doing to their kids? I mean, the divorce is bad enough for most kids. But all of what I mentioned on top of that is unbearable for a child --- whether the child is 6 or 16.

Unfortunately, it is not my position to tell the parents to back off (unless they are in for a family therapy session...which is very unlikely)

I understand that the couple are no longer in love. I understand that they probably were fighting a lot and hence decided to divorce. But why make it worse?

Why not keep the fighting to a place where it's just the two of them?

Why not communicate through means such as email or text messages if you can't stand to talk to one another?

Why not realise that both of you are to blame?

After all, it takes two people to make a relationship work and it takes the same two people to break the relationship (okay...there can be a third person or a fourth in some cases!)

I am not generalising this to all couples who divorce. I know there are sensible ones out there.

But those that do this...there's just one question: Why??

I am left with your children. Your children who worry. Your children who get aggressive. Your children who get depressed.

And I have to explain to them that their parents love them despite the fact they keep putting them in the middle. And try to make them choose.

Don't do this to your kids.

They are but, just that --- kids.

Whether they are 6 or 16.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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D-I-Y

So I changed the lightbulbs in my unit on my own...after struggling to do so for 4 weeks and after asking a male friend (who also struggled with it). Mind you, these are not the ordinary kind of lightbulbs. They are a bit 'fancier' and therefore, were a bit harder to figure out.

I managed to do it all by myself!!! (Persistence pays, people!! Now I just need to persist with my dining chairs which haven't been completely put together yet.)

It made me realise just how much I've probably taken for granted.

Back in India, you don't do any of these things by yourself. There's always an electrician who will come and fit your lights, there's the carpenter who will build/fix your stuff, there's a maid who will clean your house (and in some people's cases do your dishes, cook your meals...this was never in our case). In fact, a relative of mine has a live-in maid and so life's easy for their family even if she works full-time.

On the other hand, here, unless you are very rich, you can't afford to have someone clean your house, cook your meals, put your furniture together...

And over the past few years, I've learnt the following:

- To put furniture by myself (and the help of friends). Yes, the furniture I bought is a DIY style furniture. I ended up putting together a coffee table, dining table, dining chairs, bed frame with the help of one other friend. In the past I have put together a bookcase, study desk, and helped a mate with their house furniture.

- I have learnt how to screw on a lightbulb. And it's not an easy straight-foward type. [Add my shortness to the picture and it makes it harder!]

- I have learnt to juggle work and cooking

- I have learnt to clean an entire house with the help of just a flatmate (Back home, I'd only clean my room)

- I have learnt to move...several times. This includes lifting heavy boxes, lifting furniture and climbing stairs. I've never used a mover...so it's always been a mate and me.

Yes it's different from what it was before in India.

But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not even a maid to do all my housework while I just go to work.

And so, to those few people back in Bombay that turned up their noses at me not doing my dishes every single day or stacking up my laundry for a week (in a laundry basket, mind you) and doing it only on weekends or not cleaning the house every single day --- try living by yourself, working full-time and not having a maid. Then comment.

For that matter, try changing a lightbulb on your own. :)

******************************************************************************

On a different note, Sweet Nothings presented me with an award

And I'd like to pass this honour on to the following bloggers (in no particular order):

Smita
Titaxy
Legal Alien (when she updates her blog...hint, hint)
Nu
Archana
Footloose (when she updates her blog...hint, hint)
Sid
Richa
Do share the love guys!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Second Chances?

Do you believe in giving people a second chance?

Do you judge people based on the first thing they do? I’m guessing most of you don’t.

What about someone who is convicted for a crime?

Do you think they deserve a second chance?

If they have served their time for armed robbery, are you willing to let them integrate with society? Are you willing to let them move on with their life?

What if they had murdered someone? If they had been convicted for it and served their time...would you be willing to let them rejoin society?

What about a paedophile or a rapist? If they had been convicted and served their sentence, wanted to rejoin society and get on with their lives...would you be okay with that?

Convicted paedophile Dennis Ferguson has been receiving a backlash from the Ryde community where he is currently residing. This has been going on for a few days now and it looks like Ferguson is going to be allowed to stay at his current place of residence. Mind you, he hasn't done anything yet at this place to be on the receiving end this time.

It got me wondering: Should they give him a second chance or not? He was convicted for molesting young girls and sentenced to 14 years in gaol. He has only recently been out and has been facing problems re residence.

I hate paedophiles and rapists and consider them worse than murderers. Yes, I do. (If it were up to me, they'd be castrated)

But...what if there are those that serve their sentence and then are out in society? Should we give them that second chance to possibly redeem themselves? Or are they never going to reform?

Should we be giving people like Dennis Ferguson a second chance?

I can't make up my mind

And that's why the post is full of questions...

What do you think?

 

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Say NO to child abuse

The following is a forwarded mail

WARNING! Shocking images ahead

I know this is horrific to read and see, but if it helps to stop child abuse, we must all pass it on.

BLUE RIBBON AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see.

I must be stupid,

I must be bad,

what else could have made

my daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,

I wish I weren't ugly,

then maybe my Mommy

would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all,

I can't do a wrong

or else I'm locked up

all the day long.

When I awake

I'm all alone

the house is dark

my folks aren't home.

When my Mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

so maybe I'll get just

one whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

my daddy is back

from Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

my name he calls

I press myself

against the wall.

I try and hide

from his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

he shouts ugly words,

he says its my fault

that he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

and yells at me more,

I finally get free

and I run for the door.

He's already locked it

and I start to bawl,

he takes me and throws me

against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

with my bones nearly broken,

and my daddy continues

with more bad words spoken.

'I'm sorry!' I scream

but its now much too late

his face has been twisted

into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

again and again

oh please God, have mercy!

oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

and heads for the door,

while I lay there motionless

sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

and I am but three,

tonight my daddy

murdered me.

There are thousands of kids out there just like Sarah. And you can help

********************************************************************************
I received this as a forwarded email last week because it was CHILD PROTECTION AWARENESS WEEK.

These pictures are not an exaggeration of what happens to some children. I do not work with children of abuse...I don't think I would last long. But I do work with young people who have been victims of abuse and unlike Sarah in the poem, are still alive to tell their horrific tales.

This has been posted as part of Blue Ribbon Against Child Abuse with the hope that it might indirectly save a child's life.

To those of you in Australia: If you suspect a child being abused or neglected, please call the department of community services and make a report. Everyone can be responsible and give a helpless child a voice. In NSW, the number is 132111 for reporting suspected risk of harm.

So do your bit. And speak out against child abuse.

Until next time,

Cheers!

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Ring, ring

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a girl who loved the telephone and could talk on it every single day for hours on end. However, things have now changed.

Yes, that's right. When I was a school girl, I would come home after spending time at school from 9 till 4 and an hour later, would call up my friend. My mum would always ask me what we spoke about, given that we had just spent the entire day together. But for some reason, we were never short of topics to chat about. The same thing continued as I went on to college. The friends changed...but I still spoke to them almost every day. The school friends went to once a fortnight. College friends were the ones to whom everyday phone calls were made...to talk about work, play, gossip and everything else.

However, after coming to Australia, that changed. Not because I don't have friends. But because I didn't have a landline phone. And I'm not much of a talker on the mobile...I prefer texting instead. I spent the first few months without a landline and then, once I moved on-campus, the landline system was a bit more like a phone booth system --- you needed a calling card. So I avoided it for most of the time. So it's only since about January 2008 that I have had access to a decent landline phone.

The sad thing is that in this passage of time, I seem to have forgotten what it was like to use the phone every single day.

However, it doesn't seem to be entirely my fault. One of my closest friends here and I talked more than once a week when at uni...using our mobiles (Vodafone special...free Vodafone to Vodafone calls). Once I finished uni, due to being busy with work, we try and call each other once a week at least...but again on mobiles. There have been times when my mobile is on silent and I have forgotten to change the settings...resulting in me missing her call. But I wonder --- why not try the landline?

Have we all become so unaccustomed to using the landline?

I love the landline. The joy of speaking to someone for a long time for just 20 cents. Making national calls for just $2.00 (I have a close friend in Melbourne)

Despite this, I seem to forget that I can use the phone.

The reason behind this post --- I spoke to a colleague who is currently on leave last night on the landline only because she reminded me that we could speak on that! Go figure!

So have mobile phones changed everyone else's usage of the good old landline?

Or is it just me?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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It's all about ME, ME, ME

One of the big things in the news today was how Kanye West stole Taylor Swift's thunder at the MTV awards. Now, I'm not a fan of either. So this post is not about them or music or about the awards.

Another big thing over the weekend was Serena Williams' temper tantrum in the US open semis. (I am annoyed, by the way, at how reports said that the penalty helped Clijsters win! She was leading and would have won anyway!!! In case you didn't figure out...I like Clijsters...and I'm stoked she won!)

What do these two have in common? Well, they both involve narcissists. In fact, in Kanye West's case, I wouldn't be surprised if he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This PD (personality disorder) made news here in Australia a few weeks ago when Brendan Nelson accused Opposition leader Malcolm Turnbull of having a narcissitic PD.

So anyway, due to having so much exposure to NPD lately, I thought I would blog about it. This is not something new to me. I haven't worked with clients having NPD (although I reckon there would some in the making for sure!) but it's something I have learnt about and as psychs, we talk about amongst ourselves.

So what is NPD? Well, to put it simply, it's when a person thinks everything is about them and has a supremely inflated ego, cannot see others' points of view and think they are always right. They are also not very receptive to being criticised and like to be noticed as being important. And of course, this needs to impact their life, their relationships, their work.

Unfortunately, in the world today, there are several narcissists. I don't know how many would fit the criteria for NPD though. Research too is unable to clearly show that because as you might guess...people with narcissistic personality disorder do not think they have any problems and so do not present themselves for therapy. I have met narcissistic people and I'm sure some of you have as well.

They can be extremely annoying. For one, they will not listen to your point of view. It's always what they say. I have had to do group projects with individuals such as these. It is no picnic. Especially given that I can be a control freak as well due to my anxiety.

The problem is society nowadays promotes narcissism. We promote it by idealising celebs. They tend to be entitled and we give them the publicity for that entitlement. Kyle Sandilands is a perfect example for NPD. Yet, he has a huge fanbase and several supporters. In fact, last year or the year before, he had a psychiatrist on the show who diagnosed him with NPD but then said something along the lines of him not being responsible for his actions and that people needed to listen to him! What the?! There are probably several more celebs out there with NPD...the divas for instance are probably entitled. They think the world revolves around them. And sadly, the public acts like it does.

The other way in which society indirectly promotes narcissism is that you have to be entitled to get to the top. You have to sometimes not give a shit about others and think about yourself. The result --- narcissism. Believing you are better than everyone else. Believing you are entitled to certain things because you are 'up there' on top of the ladder.

And finally, what about some of the kids today. Who have parents that think they are little angels. Who condone negative behaviour. Who give their children everything they ask for, no matter how unreasonable. The result --- the kids think everyone is out to do their bidding. And if not...the result is a Serena Williams-style temper tantrum.

So now...I'd like to put this out there --- has anyone had experience working with or been friends with a narcissist? Do share your experiences.

Unfortunately, I think this is the way the world is going. The narcissists are being given the importance they crave. And it might just become the norm.

Tomorrow, we may be a universe of just that.

Narcissists.

And probably, no such thing as a Narcissistic Personality Disorder will exist then.

Rather, there may be a submissive personality disorder or an unachieving personality disorder.

Who knows?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Tag 'em time...

Since i was having a "I-don't-know-what-to-blog-about" day, Archana very kindly suggested I take on a tag. And I did. Hers. So here goes:

Your last FB/Twitter update:

On the 30th of August: Psych Babbler is procrastinating when I'm supposed to be preparing for a group tomorrow. Sigh...

3 TV/Movie characters you relate with:

1. Monica Geller – I’m a bit of a neat freak like her (not as bad!), extremely competitive like her (and I can be just as bad!), have had weight issues (not as big as her and now, not as skinny as her either!), have not had much luck with the opposite sex. Now all I need is a Chandler! 

2. Lisa Simpson – I can be as annoying as her...I correct people’s vocabulary and can be very pedantic when it comes to things about the language. I am a nerd. And most of the time, I feel that people just don’t get me!

3. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail) – Okay, so the reason I probably relate with this character could just be that I have watched the movie a zillion times. I think it’s more of a hope that I experience something of that sort. (Okay, so you figured...I love the movie and her character and Tom Hanks’ character)

3 countries on your travel list:

1. Australia --- I would love to visit the whole of Australia including the smaller towns and cities.

2. Ireland --- I’ve always found Ireland beautiful from what I’ve seen on TV

3. Greece --- Only recently been interested in Greece...seems like a beautiful place and I would love to go there in the warmer weather

Hit the shuffle on your iPod – list out the 3 songs:

1. Moment in the sun by The Living End
2. Homesick by Thirsty Merc
3. Shadow of the day by Linkin Park


3 daily must-haves:

1. Coffee --- I cannot leave the house without it!

2. Internet connection --- I need to check emails, blogs etc...I go stir crazy when I cannot. My family witnessed that when I was there and we had problems with the computer!

3. Hot shower --- I love my hot showers. More so in winter.


3 things you’re confused about:

1. Why do people judge you if you don’t want kids or if you question traditions and customs, or if you are career-focussed as a woman and don’t want a family per se? Especially in this day and age

2. Where does all the money for the IPL come from when India is supposedly a developing country and has so many people suffering in poverty? And if there is this money, why can’t they use it for something worthwhile like actually developing the country?

3. Where are all the eligible single and decent men? What’s with this man drought in Sydney?


Browse your DVD rack or bookshelf – pull 3 out at random:

1. You’ve Got Mail
2. Crash
3. Little Miss Sunshine


3 things you’d wish you’d known (earlier):

1. At 12...not exercising and loving food makes you a fatty
2. Avoiding anxiety-provoking situations actually makes it worse. Exposure is the answer to overcoming the anxiety.
3. People can take advantage of screw you over if you are too nice or too accommodating.

If you had to date a celebrity, who would it be:

Hah... ADAM GILCHRIST of course...without a doubt. And hopefully date him more than once!


If you were a celebrity, what would you be:

An author --- J. K. Rowling style...without letting Hollywood ruin my books.


If you had to give your blog a face-lift, what would you tweak:

I am thinking about it but because I’m technologically challenged, it’s hard. I would like to change my header to incorporate a bit more about me, what I blog about and a nice cup of coffee!

So that's it. If anyone wishes to take on this tag, feel free to do so. And credit Archana for coming up with it.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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Blogger's Block

During the week when I experience things, I think about blogging on them...
...however, by the time I'm home, there's nothing left.

I may think about something just before bed...
...by the time I am on my laptop the next day, the ideas have gone.

I observe things as I drive to and from work. I think I could blog about them...
...when my fingers are poised to type, nothing.

Hopefully, in due time, ideas will flow.

Until then, bear with random shit like this.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!
Excellent item. Super fast delivery. A+ Seller!!!

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Older and wiser? Think again...

Some weeks ago I had to go to the bank for some work. While I was waiting in line, I noticed this elderly woman who looked like she was in her late eighties, early nineties. She had a shopping bag and a walking stick as she hobbled and stood in line. She had a bad hunchback and was wrapped in warm clothing. What struck me was how she stood in line like the rest of us. Did her bank work like the rest of us. And went on to another shop in the shopping centre.

I could not help but admire her.

Here was a woman who was doing things on her own. An elderly woman. She was independent
And it made me see the stark difference between what happens in countries like India and here. In India, “tradition” says the elderly go on and live with their children. And it is this I hate. Don’t get me wrong...I love my parents and I want to look after them when they are older. But somehow in India, we dis-empower the elderly. And some of them take advantage of that. We give in to their ridiculous whims and fancies because “tradition” and “culture” say we should. We fall prey to their manipulative strategies because God forbid we stand up to them. We unquestioningly agree to their tantrums because again, we are doomed to hell if we do.

Why?

Why should we be made to feel guilty if we don’t look after the elderly?

Why can’t we let them live on their own if they are capable?

Why?

Because some age-old tradition says so?

Because it’s “in our culture”?

Now, I’m not saying all elderly folk are ‘bad’. But there are quite a few ‘monsters’ out there (one of whom has been living with my family since I was 15 and has made life a living hell...I have been fortunate to escape her clutches but my poor family has not)

By letting elderly folk live with us and do their bidding it’s almost like we are teaching them to become helpless. Think about it --- when a person lives by themselves, they have no choice but to cook, clean, do their shopping etc. But if this person is living with someone who will do all of the above, then they are going to stop doing it and expect that and more. It creates helplessness in some and a form of entitlement in others. Moreover, when a person is not doing much work, they are more likely to ruminate. They are more likely to start thinking about all the negative things. And they are more likely to get depressed and make others around them miserable. Hence the importance of activity. Now again, I am not saying that people who are bedridden must have to do things themselves. Rather, the able-bodied elderly folk can look after themselves rather than have their sons, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren become their slaves and wallow in self-pity.

I would like to let everyone out there know that this is a personal issue and a personal gripe of mine. And it has been for the past decade. I think we should all be given the right to not have some elderly folk live with us without being emotionally blackmailed as a consequence. We should be able to choose whether we want the person living with us.

And unfortunately, things like ‘tradition’ and ‘culture’ take away the choice because some people are too scared of the repercussions from society. Of the emotional manipulation from that parent.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

P.S. Mum...I know you read my blog now and it kinda makes it harder to blog on stuff like this. This is not in reference to you or dad but rather, you-know-who. So don’t think S and I won’t care for you guys... we would choose to do so.

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What the stars say...

"Mercury's Retrograde for you may bring some self doubt and
a tendency to under-rate yourself, your abilities and talents
etc. So keep that firmly in mind and do not give in to the trickster mind saying any negative things to you. Over the next couple of
weeks, it is time to regroup, go over all you have learned and absorb it into
your core as deeply as you can. At the end of the 11-12 day period you will then
be ready to take flight (in a professional way)."

I am not a believer in astrology. But that doesn't stop me from checking my horoscope every now and then. And this was mine for today in the Sydney Morning Herald. It's funny how at the moment it does have some validity in a weird way. The stuff highlighted is kind of what's going on in my head over the past week or so. I recognise it's stress-related and I'm trying to ride it by not getting sucked into the negativity.

But sometimes, it's not easy.

All I know is that this too shall pass.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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The Break Up

We used to be so close
But something got in the way
I don’t know what and I don’t know how
But from each other we began drifting away

We fought a whole lot more
Over the smallest of things
And things got harder as out of each other
The worst we would bring

We decided to mutually end it
And thought things would be better
And while they may be so
I cannot help but remember

The days when we were happy
The days when things went well
The days when we were in love
And everything was swell

I've come to accept it now
Months down the track
That we are better off not together
And better off not going back

Moving on is hard to do
But is something everyone goes through
All I hope for is that in the end
While we may not be in love, we will still remain friends

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Dear Dad,

25 years as your daughter has taught me a lot.

We may not have spoken much as I was growing up...apart from stuff about cricket and football. We did not agree on cricket --- I supported the Aussies while you went for India.

We had our disagreements on just how much effort I put into my studies at school. Through my teenage years, I got angry with you more than once. I thought you did not understand my points of view...whether it was about studies or why I did badly in maths. I hated the times I had to do maths with you...yes, I sucked at it and that frustrated you. I have hated what I term as you being a 'neat-freak'. I have wondered why we did not get along well as I grew up.

But...
You were the first to support my decision to take up Arts after Year 10 (despite everyone else thinking I should follow in your footsteps).
You were the first to suggest and support the choice of college
You have worked weird hours and in weird places to support our family
You put up with your mother (as we all have) and have tried to be as diplomatic as possible
You supported my decision to come to Australia to study...both emotionally and monetarily
You have been supportive ever since

As the years go on, I realise I am becoming a lot more like you. I hold similar values in terms of honesty, being straightforward, working hard and not kissing arse! I am much neater than I was. And funnily enough, although I didn't follow you exactly in terms of a profession, I have ended up in the healthcare field.

So why am I writing this today?

Well, given that it's father's day here, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share.

So dad, despite our ups and downs over the past 25 years, I am proud to be your daughter (and mum's) Despite my complaints that you favoured my sister, I know better now. I am an adult and I know how much you have done for us. For our family.

So thank you. For everything.

I love you and here's wishing you a Happy Father's Day.

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Bust that Bully...but how?

Bullying --- it's getting worse each day.

Last week here, an incident at a school made headlines when a boy died allegedly due to a fight at school. Following his death, there was news that bullying was rampant in the school. Furthermore, students and parents were calling for the sacking of the principal saying that nothing was being done about the bullying situation.

Now, I can see that it was unfortunate for the kid that died. But blaming the principal and staff is a bit ridiculous. I say this because I witness what happens as well. Bullying takes place. The bullies get detention, suspensions etc to no avail. Why? Because they don't care. Most of these kids don't give a shit about the consequences in terms of detention, suspension or even expulsion. Well, do they respond to counselling or education? Hah! I'd have better success banging my head against a brick wall. At least that might eventually cave in.

I am serious when I say that most bullies nowadays do not fear consequences of any sort. Teachers and principals have no 'power' over these kids. The counsellor does not have a magic wand. So what can be done?

1. Parents. In my opinion, parents need to be the first ones to help their kids change. I've seen bullies or kids that fight who have told me that their parent has said ask nicely once, and if the person doesn't listen, punch them. What the fuck?! It's no wonder the teachers, principal or anyone else is fighting a losing battle. Parents need to educate their kids right from age 5 on how to treat others.

2. The media. Yes...the media. The media that glorifies sex, violence, bitchiness and 15 minutes of fame. What are schools meant to do in the face of this? Every girl wants to be Paris Hilton. They want to emulate their icons on TV.

I really do wish I had a magic wand. The kids are getting out of control.

This story here tells you a bit of what we may be in for in the coming years. And I will be working with them all.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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A spring in our steps...

A pinch and a punch for the first of the month...

And it's the first day of spring!!!

I love spring. It's funny to think that 5 years ago, I didn't even know what this season was like. But spring here is Aus is gorgeous. The vibrant colours. The longer days (compared to winter!). The warmer weather...but not too hot. The beautiful water. And looking forward to the beach in summer.

Spring, lovely spring.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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