Reflections

Reflecting about the past

Dreaming about the future

Living in the present

Whilst enjoying the beauty of nature. 

This is my entry for BlogThis Photographic challenge: Reflections

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Someone has copied me!

So I googled the name of my blog and the second item that pops up is this: HappeNing: Over Cups of Coffee: Being assertive --- I finally did it! where someone has decided to post my post on being assertive and made changes with atrocious English and very poor grammar (looks like they have just used the MS Word thesaurus for some words) and impersonate my signature at the end as well. I know they have mentioned my blog name in the heading and my name at the bottom...but it's still impersonating me and changing my content without my permission.

And I am mad.

I have left them a message on the post to remove it.

Let's see what happens...

NOT HAPPY!!!!

You asked for it

 

She made her way down to the river early that morning, all the time thinking about her grandchildren and anticipating their arrival. She stripped off her sari and got into the river to bathe. She enjoyed the stillness of the morning and the chirping of the birds. Moments later, her peace was shattered by a group of boys in their twenties. Even younger than her grandchildren. And that’s when it happened. They took turns with her and left her lying there battered and bruised. As she slowly wrapped her sari around her, she thought of telling someone. But who would believe her? A grandmother of 70 raped by twenty year old boys. She decided against it. She was the one bathing in the river at 5 in the morning. Surely, she had asked for it.

**********

She managed to get into the first class compartment on the train. It was a rainy day and most trains were delayed. Her sari was soaking wet but she figured she could dry it upon reaching work. The compartment was crowded but things could be worse she thought…she could have been in the second class compartment! As the train went through a tunnel, she felt it. Hands squeezing her breasts and rubbing against her bare stomach. She felt violated. As the train got out of the tunnel she looked around her. There were men but they all looked educated. She thought of speaking out. But then decided against it. She was wearing a sari that was soaking wet. Surely, she had asked for it.

**********

She was standing in the crowded bus on her way to college. She hated travelling this way and the only reason she was doing so was because the trains had broken down. As always. It was the same story every monsoon. Somewhere along the journey, she felt it. A squeeze on her buttocks. She glanced around her but couldn’t pick which man it was. She thought of making a scene but decided against it. She was wearing jeans and a tee-shirt. Surely, she had asked for it.

**********

She was checking out her text messages as she walked down to the shops. It was a lovely evening and she wasn’t due back at school until next week. In the mean time, she had been spending time with her friends at the local mall. She passed by a group of boys sitting on a wall. And that was when she heard it. Wolf whistles and cat calls and lewd remarks about her body. She thought of showing them the finger or yelling at them. But then decided against it. She was wearing a skirt and a singlet. Surely, she had asked for it.

**********

She was walking home from school excited. She couldn’t wait to tell her parents about the results from the maths test last week. She was the only student in the whole of Year 3 that achieved full marks. As she took the short cut that led up to her street she saw him. The shop keeper that was always friendly and gave her a sweet. She smiled and waved to him and he beckoned her inside as he had a surprise. He showed her a pup at the back of the shop and gave her permission to play with it. He took her on his lap as she played with the pup and he put his hand under her school uniform. She felt his hands on places that no one should touch as she learnt at school. He let her go sometime later and invited her back to play with the pup. She thought about telling her parents what the shop keeper had done. But she thought they would scold her for taking sweets from a stranger and decided against it. Surely, she had asked for it.

**********

It’s the same old story. Girls and women are made to think they are to blame for any form of sexual harassment, sexual abuse or rape. Particularly in certain cultures and countries. In India, this is particularly common. I remember while growing up reading about women being raped or sexually harassed and “asking for it” because they were wearing jeans! And I remember reading about 11 year old girls in their school uniform being raped and wondering…did they ask for it too? Recently in Australia, a muslim cleric talked about girls being meat and apparently, if you place meat in front of a cat, the cat is not going to resist. Politicians in India talk about how a woman was “asking for it” This only reinforces the mentality of some men in these cultures that as long as a woman is present in front of them and if the man is aroused, he has every right to have sex with her. Based on this, some women are trained to think that they are at fault…that they asked for it. It affects their self-esteem, their self-confidence and their self-worth.

I am guilty of not speaking out during some of my travels on public transport in Bombay during my college days. But I know better now and had decided when I returned to India last year that I would speak up should anyone touch me without my permission or pass any lewd comments. (Nothing happened though to give me that opportunity given that I didn’t travel by public transport much!)

Remember, it is never your fault if a man cannot keep his penis under control or his hands to himself. Whether you are 7 or 70, every woman must speak up and speak out loud against any form of sexual abuse or harassment. Only then are people going to listen. Because you NEVER ask for it.

**********

This has been written as part of Indus Ladies International Women’s Day Contest under the category of Sexual Crimes after I was tagged by Nu and Saya. I in turn, tag Richa, the Legal Alien and Rachna.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Being assertive --- I finally did it!

I spoke to L about the whole T situation.

So how did I do it? Ah...here's a story.

Yesterday I returned home in the afternoon and they were both in her room. They didn't hear me get back and go into my room. Anyway, about 15 minutes later, I hear the shower running and I figure it's L. I get out of my room to get something and hear voices in the shower. Yep, you got it right. They were both in the shower.

And I lost it. Not because I am a prude. I don't care that they have sex in their bedroom. But taking a shower together (read: possibly engaging in sexual activities) is crossing boundaries given that I use the fricking shower as well and more importantly, she doesn't clean the bathroom --- I do!!! And I don't particularly want to be cleaning up other people's bodily fluids!!! I decided there and then that this was the last straw. I was going to say something. I had had enough.

The question was how.

I sat in the lounge room fuming for a while. And then it hit me.

I could just bump into them when they got out of the bathroom and feign surprise that there's two people coming out of the shower! I waited in my kitchen with a glass of water and heard the shower turn off (after a long bloody shower mind you!). And then I walked towards my bedroom (my bedroom is right across the bathroom, by the way so I have to pass by to get in) And first L came out and said hi to me. And then, T follows behind and says hi too. And I went "What the...?!!"

And they laughed.

And that was my cue. I told L I would like to chat with her sometime and asked her when she was available. We scheduled a time for Monday night. And I went into my room. I was chatting with my sister and telling her to call me on Monday night at 9...just in case.

A while later, there was a knock on my bedroom door. It was L. Telling me that she had sent T home and would like to have the chat now since the suspense was killing her. And so we did.

I told her how I felt like I was sharing with 2 people instead of 1 and said I would prefer if T came home just once or twice a week instead of 5! I also said that I didn't care what they did in the privacy of their bedroom but I would prefer they didn't in the shower since it was a common area. And then, she apologised for T coming over so often. Said he would come over only twice a week. And...get this...she said they don't have sex (no sex before marriage...apparently)!!! I nearly laughed out loud and said, yeah you're Virgin Mary. I wanted to tell her that oral sex is still sex (as I tell my young teenage clients) because you can catch STIs. But I controlled myself! :-P And does she seriously think I believe that? But oh well. As long as they don't fucking do it in the bathroom or living room or kitchen or any bloody common area, I don't give a shit. Well, maybe I do. But it's less gross if it's in her bedroom.

Anyway, so now I will monitor it. One of my friends thought I should have straight kicked her out since L was crossing the line big time. I probably would have. If finances had not been tight. I might wait another month and see how things are going. And if I'm not happy, well, L is out. And I have been assertive so there's no excuses of not saying how I am feeling about things.

In the end though, I did it. I faced my fear. Even though I was shitting myself while talking to her...even though I could feel my heart beating so quickly, I still did it. I think it's because I was so peeved off, it made the fear a tad less!

So what do you all think? Is it fair that in a month if things are still the same, I say arrivederci to her? And are you proud that I faced my fear??? =) ['Coz I know you all luuuurve me!]

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Just wondering...

...why are people so impatient? Why can't they wait for two seconds till the light turns green and I move ahead and then they can turn left? Why swear at me...especially when I haven't broken any road rules?

...why am I so confused about so many things lately? I just can't seem to make a decision. I want to sometimes and at other times, I have my doubts. I am so confused. :(

...why do better jobs get advertised when I have just started a new one? And why do I think that I have made a mistake?

...why am I so bored and apathetic about most things apart from my creative writing and Italian classes?

...why do I find it so hard to get along with people my own age? I seem to make friends with older people...even in my two weeks of classes, I have become friendly with women older than me...two of whom are grandmothers. (And unlike what one of my friends told me, I'm not gifted!)

...why do I have to share with someone who is like a juvenile? Seriously, I sometimes feel like I'm sharing with a teenager even though she's just a year younger than me. I am currently modelling cleanliness behaviours at home. When she's around, I'm cleaning the kitchen when I drop crumbs on the bench!

...why am I so mature and responsible when it comes to most things but not in some other areas? I am running my house and can make decisions there...but for some other things, I can be so stupid and indecisive!

...why is it that the days I am running late for work are the days there will be an accident on the road thereby disrupting traffic?

...why do people who have worked for years and years think that they are definitely doing the right thing and not willing to listen to someone with a different view? Not in terms of client work but more so in terms of administrative stuff. Someone else may just have a better idea because they are viewing things with fresh eyes.

...why does my heart hurt so much when I miss or worry about certain people in my life?

...why do I get jealous so easily? I have always been this way since a child. When can I get over it? And how?

...why am I so critical about almost every person I meet? [An entire post on this will come up sometime soon...]

...why am I so scared to go seek therapy? It's what I do for a living...encourage people to get rid of that stigma and come and see me. But I'm scared to get help for myself.

...why do I love to be by myself and yet crave the company of a loved one?

...why do I worry about the future even though I know it is not going to do me any good since I do not know what the future holds?

Why?

Will I ever get answers to any of these?

I guess I don't really mind...just wanted to put it out there...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Dear Anxiety,

Do you reckon you could take a break sometime? I mean, I know you like being around and don't appreciate it when I am actually getting along all right in life but seriously, what's with bothering me almost every day? It's always something. Something trivial to something big. But it has to be something. It's no wonder I love sleeping. That's like the only time I'm not dealing with you. And when I'm seeing clients I guess. Provided they are not suicidal. Because if they are, I hear you laughing with sadistic pleasure at being back. I would really and truly like a break from you. To not worry about all the zillion things about the future. To not feel nauseous. To not catastrophise and awfulise. To not think about the worst-case scenarios. At the moment, I cannot afford to go to the gym which used to help me manage you a lot better....I think I managed to tire you out. Don't you have other people to bother? Why do you love hanging out with just me?

So please....I beg you...leave me alone!!!!

Until next time,

And a week goes by....

Hmm...looks like a bad habit in the making. My last post was a week ago. So what's been happening in the mean time, I hear you ask. I have been busy this week...not with work but with other activities.

My community college classes started this week so Tuesday night after work, I attended my Creative Writing class while on Thursday night it was Italian for beginners (the language, not the food). This will continue on for the next 7 weeks, then a two week holiday and then back again for another 8. Wednesday night I had peer supervision: a bunch of my psych friends and I meet up once a month to discuss a difficult case and just catch up at a restaurant. And on Friday night, I caught up with another friend. Also, apart from Monday night, I did not watch TV on any single day! And that's a record of sorts because I tend to keep the TV on in the background even if there is nothing worth watching.

**********

I spoke to L on Sunday about the cleanliness issue (as a stepping stone to discussing the threesome issue). She apologised for not cleaning up the kitchen bench after making a mess and said it was "bad habits" but she would make sure she did it. Almost a week on, I see no change. What should I do??? This morning I was scrubbing the kitchen sink since there was leftover chocolate and flour from her baking experience early on in the week. She'd done the dishes but didn't think of cleaning the sink. There was also a bit of peanut butter stuck on the kitchen bench from her morning brekky which I cleaned up. And if you were to drop a pasta shell or two on the kitchen floor, wouldn't you just pick them up and throw it in the bin rather than wait for your flatmate to clean it when vacuuming the place? Am I asking too much? Seriously. Tell me if I am.

**********

T is still coming over as often. I am going to work up the nerve this week to tell her. But first I am going to tell my friends that I am telling her. Just in case. I don't want something like this happening to me. I'm going to text a friend before I tell her and ask them to call me in 15-20 minutes to check up on me. I know I sound paranoid. But you can't be too careful at times.

**********

Another thing that occurred about two or three weeks ago was this:

I received this postcard from Clarissa. Basically, Clarissa read another blog where mothers (from around the world) were exchanging postcards as a way of educating their kids. Clarissa got in on the act as well and asked on her blog re who would like to exchange postcards. I put my hand up for it even though we both live in Sydney. But she was kind enough to send me one she picked up in Western Australia. It was so cool to receive a postcard. I have received about 4 postcards in the past from friends who have gone travelling to Europe, Singapore and other states in Aus. Does anyone else enjoy giving and receiving postcards? Let me know.

**********

And finally, I started working at my actual location. The people seem nice but the team is a whole lot bigger than what I am used to and it scares me. I am trying to deal with some separation issues at the moment and I'm missing my colleagues from my previous jobs big time. I am also going through a lot of anxieties in my head. Blame it on the massive change. And mind you, not all the anxiety is work-related. I am worrying more about personal stuff and a bit about work. I know I will cope with the work front. I don't know why I worry so much. I really need to consider therapy seriously. If only I can get over worrying about what the psychologist will think about me seeking therapy, that is. Sigh.

**********

And my lovely sister turned 21 last week. I still cannot believe it. To me, she's still the young girl I left when I came here to Sydney. 21. Wow. Happy Birthday again, sis!!! =)

**********

Anyway, hope everyone has been well. I apologise for not commenting on most of the blogs I visit. Have generally been too tired and have just read the posts without commenting although not every day either. I will get back into it. There is no way I am leaving my blog buddies!!!

Hope you all have a good weekend!!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

What if...

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 7; the seventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

What if
I was sexy like the girl next door
Would that make you want me more?

What if
I was as skinny as those models you see
Would that make you want to sleep with me?

What if
I was blonde and not a brunette
Would you spend more time with me and not forget?

What if
I had boobs that were sized a double D
Would you then take some moments to listen to me?

What if
I was not more intelligent than you
Would you be more secure and remain true?

What if
I let you earn more money than me
Would that pacify your masculinity?

What if
I was a woman who didn’t think for myself
Would you be happier to step in instead?

What if
I was coy, bashful and demure
Would that add to my allure?

What if
I was one to always give in to your needs
Would you then give up your secret deeds?

I am not any of this
And I never will be
I am proud of who I am
I am, but me
If you cannot handle that
It is of no worry
I am happy to live my life
Being independent and free

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

I'm here

It's so unlike me to not blog for 4 days! :p But I'm still here. Just trying to get back into routine and have been a bit tired at the end of the day to blog. After all, for a month, I was sleeping in till 9 on most days as against 6.

But I am getting back to my usual routine. So I started the new position except this week was not at my usual location since my line manager is based at another site and I had to get oriented. However, I start at my actual place next week.

So far things seem okay. My manager is nice. Most of the people I met across the teams seem nice enough including those who I will be working with. But I can be wrong about people...I have been in the past. Having said that, I still manage to avoid conflict most of the time. Touchwood.

I will continue to blog despite being slack this last week.

Hope all is well in the blog world! =D

Until next time,

Cheers!!!