What's the vote?

Our federal election was called almost a couple of weeks ago and is scheduled for the 21st of August. As expected, the battle has begun. We are swamped by ads about why not to vote for Labor or why not to vote for Liberal, what each party stands for, yada yada yada. [The ads don't make me change my mind...I'd decided even before becoming a citizen who I would vote for!]

The two candidates running for the top job are Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott. Now, while I can choose to ignore all the ads on telly, there was one thing I couldn't ignore. The news reports that seem to focus on Julia Gillard's private life and her appearance.

Julia Gillard is unmarried and does not have children. Tony Abbott, who by the way has asked women and not men to keep their virginity until they are married, is married with three children. Apparently Julia Gillard has been asked a few times by the media whether her marital status will have an influence on the outcome of the election. Abbott too delivered a low blow during the debate on Sunday mentioning his wife and children during the opening line of his speech. You could see what he was implying with that statement. Also, for some reason, the media also keeps focusing on her appearance. Her clothes, her hair and even her earlobes during  the debate!

Here's my gripe:

1. How is a politician's marital status related to the way in which they can do their job? It's similar to people telling me I cannot be a child psychologist because I don't have kids of my own. Possibly even more far-fetched than that.

2. The emphasis on appearance...would the media be doing the same if it was a male politician? They don't seem to be focusing all that much on Abbott's change in hair colour since the election was called. It seems like just because she is a woman, there is a lot more pressure on her to look a certain way. Think about it people...we had John Howard as our PM! No one questioned his appearance...even though the comedians had a field day with his bushy eyebrows!

It's a shame that women still get the whole 'if you are not married by a certain age and don't have kids it means...' and they still get scrutinised for what they wear compared to their male counterparts in positions that do not call for it. It annoys me no end.  The media by focusing on these trivial issues manages to influence a minority of voters that are sucked in by this force. And they really need to be responsible and focus on the issues at hand. In other words, focus on what the Gillard can bring or what Abbott can bring. Screw the rest.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Fabulous role model...

I came across this article in the Sydney Morning Herald today about British Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone touting Christina Hendricks, a curvy UK actress as being a fabulous physical role model for girls and women. Apparently, the size 14 actress has been asked to slim down but refuses to do so. I have never heard of this actress.

But when I looked at her photo, while she is a little curvier that your average telly personality, she really doesn't make me feel better about my body. This is her:

One look at her assets and I feel so inadequate with my teeny ones!!!! :P [Although I probably don't suffer from the back pain that she does]

Jokes aside, I guess good on her for refusing to slim down. But with boobs like that, do tell me, how is she a good role model for women with an A or B cup??? And by the way, I reckon the size 14 is to fit those boobs in. Not the rest of her. The rest of her is probably a 10.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The Journey of Om

This is a book by Chandru Bhojwani and follows the journey of the protagonist, Om, and his two close friends Mona and Arun, following being betrayed by his girlfriend Preeti. This is the first book I am reviewing upon the author's request.

Om walks in on his girlfriend, Preeti in bed with another acquaintance and is expectedly broken-hearted. Thus begins his spiral into depression as he gets nostalgic about the relationship and what could have been, and simultaneously receives support from his two best friends Mon and Arun while trying to get on with his daily life. At the same time, Mona is dealing with her own issues of being in her late-thirties and unmarried (which is a curse if you are Indian and a woman!) However, she 'meets' someone online --- an Indian guy based in Hong Kong and takes the plunge leaving LA to meet who she believes is her soulmate. Arun on the other hand, is perfectly happy with his relationship with Rakhi, a medical student. However, her parents think otherwise. The reason: Arun is not earning enough in his market researcher job to support their princess.

The book moves from past to present and looks at Om's depression, his battle with the bottle, his friendship being tested with Arun, his views on Mona's decision, his friendship with Jim, and how he overcomes the betrayal by who he thought was 'the one'.

What I liked about the book:
It's an easy read and a good past-time. It is one of the few books by Indian authors that doesn't portray living overseas as being bad and that the ultimate goal should be to go back to India. That, for me, was a refreshing change! It also shows the protagonist as having a close friend who is not Indian. Again, something I have not really come across in most books by Indian authors who seem to show that only an Indian can be another Indian's trusted friend. 


What I did not like about the book:
Too Bollywood-ish for my liking. Yes, there was too much melodrama and crying that it reminded me of a Karan Johar movie in some parts. And I am not a fan of Karan Johar movies. I was also a bit annoyed at the manner in which women were portrayed. Not Preeti but rather Mona and Rakhi. You get the sense that the latter are strong women and yet, they weep at the drop of a hat, they will do 'anything' for love to the point where it seems like they are self-sacrificing. They do kind of redeem themselves towards the end but it was still not enough for me personally. Finally, the ending was a bit of a disappointment. It was an open ending...and I normally like those...but the manner in which is was left open was disappointing. Just when I was having high hopes about how the book was doing something most Indian books don't seem to do, it took a twist that left me disappointed.

Read it without any expectations for any deeper level themes. It's about relationships: love and loss. And if you believe in soulmates and are a romantic, you may enjoy it more than me. I am not much of a romantic. But it wasn't a complete shocker :)

I rate it a 3.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

I sleep, you sleep...but do we co-sleep?

I heard something new today: co-sleeping.

Apparently, it is part of an "attachment parenting" method that involves the parent and infant sleeping in the same room or same bed. However, there are quite a number of individuals taking it to another level. One where the entire family sleeps in the same room or even the same bed when the child is older. And with no foreseeable end to the practice. This form of co-sleeping is supposed to be an 'alternative' parenting practice in the western world (including Australia) given that children tend to have their own rooms and this is encouraged at a young age. However, the argument is that a lot of cultures (Asian, Indian, Middle-Eastern, South American etc) use co-sleeping as a daily routine.

The thing is, most of these countries lack the space in a house for each child to have their own room! And hence 'co-sleeping' probably came into effect. I mean, if I think about my grandparents or parents who lived in one bedroom apartments in families of at least 4 members, it's not surprising co-sleeping was the way to go. Because there was no other option.

On the other hand, when I grew up, we were fortunate to have more than one bedroom. And hence, since my sister was born and I was 5, the two of us shared a room. And yes, we "co-slept" till I left home. Although we both wanted our own room! Anyway, attachment parenting is advocating the parents sleeping with the child(ren). It's not talking about just siblings sharing a room. And whilst I understand the need for parents and children to share a room in countries where there is not much space or in households that are small, I fail to recognise the usefulness of co-sleeping in other circumstances. For children at least. Especially school-aged children.

Now, I am sure I will get told "You are not a mother....therefore..." but I am going to try and base my arguments on clinical experience and research.

First and foremost, a school-aged child sleeping in his or her own room (or even sharing with a sibling) is more likely to overcome common childhood fears of the dark or being away from parents. However, if the child continues to share a room with their parents, they are not even given the opportunity to face their anxieties, thereby maintaining it. In fact, this website about co-sleeping says something along these lines:

Transitioning to the crib by 6 months is usually easier — for both parents and baby — before the cosleeping habit is ingrained and other developmental issues (such as separation anxiety) come into play

It is quite common for anxious children and adolescents in my clinical experience to want to sleep with their parents. However, one of the first things parents are informed during the case formulation at the start of therapy is that permitting the child to sleep with them only maintains the anxiety. It's a security blanket. A form of reassurance. The child doesn't really learn how to manage their anxiety themselves. Any anxiety research will tell you that. 

There is also research that does not find support for co-sleeping. Researchers investigating sleep, behavioural and emotional problems, and parental relationships and psychological distress in school-aged children found that co-sleepers had significantly greater sleep problems (went to bed later, had shorter sleep etc.), emotional and behavioural problems & the parents had higher psychological and couple distress compared to solitary sleepers and healthy peers. However, a review on co-sleeping in China, where this is a very common practice found both advantages and disadvantages for the same. Unfortunately, I could not read the details since only the abstract is available.

Common sense tells me co-sleeping would be very uncomfortable. Imagine 4 to 5 individuals sleeping in the same room. [Yes, my parents and grandparents would tell me that] Imagine someone snoring, another one talking in their sleep, another getting up 3 times to go to the toilet, another tossing and turning...how does one get a proper night's sleep? I know my sister would complain about me hogging the quilt and I found her sleep-talk annoying.

So I wonder...how is this supposed to build attachment?? How is it supposed to bring parent and child closer? I must say, I have personally never been a fan of attachment theory because it seems to imply that everything about your personality and temperament is dependent on those first five years in life. In short, if you are screwed up, it's your parents' fault. They didn't provide you with a secure attachment base. And then, how easy is it for a person to blame their parents and not take responsibility as an adult to change states such as depression or anxiety? It doesn't seem to take into account all the other relationships a person has over the years, the other environmental factors or most importantly, biological factors. It says everything is about how the caregiver/parent relates with the child! [How's that for a guilt-trip, parents???]

I think a lot more research needs to be done on 'attachment parenting' to see whether it is effective. Until then, I am going to impart knowledge about evidence-based parenting to my clients and that includes the Triple P which is about rewards and consequences in basic behavioural terms. 

Anyway, what do you know about co-sleeping? If you have enough space in your house, would you still practice it? Do you know anyone who encourages the same?

Do share.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

It's Official!!!!

Here's the Breaking News folks...

As of the 16th of July 2010, I am officially an Australian Citizen!!!

Australian Citizenship Pledge: Affirmation

Yes, yours truly is now an Aussie Citizen. I have always felt Aussie but now I am recognised by the government as being part of this glorious country. I now get to apply for an Australian passport, serve on the jury and most importantly, vote! Once I get an Aussie passport, I get to renounce my Indian citizenship. Which I will do with no qualms whatsoever [No offense to all my Indian readers but I have never 'felt' for India as a country]

In order to attain the status of a citizen, I had to attend a citizenship ceremony. I had sat for the test back in March and passed easily so I knew I was approved. Attending the ceremony and reading the above pledge and then receiving the certificate from the Mayor is what makes it official. The ceremony was for about an hour last night where the Mayor of my local council gave a speech followed by three other state members. Then we took either the affirmation (as the pic above) or the oath (same as the pic but with the words 'under God') along with the Mayor. And then we had to go up on stage and collect our certificates. Kinda like a graduation ceremony. We ended the ceremony by singing the national anthem. I felt a sense of pride I have never felt for any country. I had tears prickling in my eyes when one of the members talked about giving for our community and getting back so much. I felt a sense of home when another member talked about our local area as being one of the best in Australia (and I agree!!!)

Six of my friends were able to attend and I was touched. We went to the pub after the ceremony for a true Aussie-style celebration. Beer. :)

Someone put it really well on a card they gave me: Welcome Home.

I think I was always meant to be here ever since mum and dad bought me the stuffed koala at age 1.

I am home

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Wordless Wednesday - Drool

Blogosphere Reviewed

This post has been published by me as a team member of Indiana Legends for the SUPER 3 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

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It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new world. It’s called Blogosphere. [Okay…so maybe I have exaggerated a bit] Did you know that Blogosphere is not so new after all? Apparently, the term has been around since 1999. So what exactly is Blogosphere? To most of us who are regulars in this world, it may be obvious. But believe me, there are several people out in the real world (outer-Blogosphere; Psych Babbler 2010) who will give you a strange look when you mention the wor(l)d. Apparently, not everyone has heard of it [Shock, horror!!! It’s equivalent to aliens saying they haven’t heard of planet Earth, don’t you think?].

Blogosphere, according to the ever-reliable source Wikipedia, is defined as follows:

The blogosphere is made up of all blogs and their interconnections. The term implies that blogs exist together as a connected community (or as a collection of connected communities) or as a social network in which everyday authors can publish their opinions.

So, the gist of it is that it’s a platform for any Tom, Dick or Sally to voice whatever is in their head and people all across the globe can ‘hear’ it. It is also a way of making connecting with individuals across the globe. I am here today to review this wonderful world we call Blogosphere. What is so good about it? What makes it tick? Is it worth entering this world? And what do you need to watch out for?

*****

The Good

• Each and every person on the planet has an opinion. Well, if you have a functioning brain, you have an opinion. So what better way to state that opinion loudly and clearly for the world to hear than posting it on your blog. Members of blogosphere will read it and comment on it with their own views. So yes, Blogosphere has opened up a world where anyone can say what they want and have a hundred odd people comment on it. It opens people up to debating from one end of the world to another. It links us all in a fascinating way. In fact, in most cases it seems to break barriers. After all, you have readers from all different continents and might find that someone in Germany has similar opinions to someone in Japan. Two different cultures. But people with so many similarities. It does appear to be a world where we all can live harmoniously.
• In Blogosphere, there appears to be less discrimination than in outer-Blogosphere. I use the word ‘discrimination’ quite loosely. Think about this: how many 20-somethings do you know who would quite gratefully have a conversation with someone in their 40s or their 50s? For some people, that would be equivalent to having a conversation with their mum or dad. But in Blogosphere, there is no such stigma. Heaps of older bloggers read material by younger ones and vice versa. People read blogs written by someone of another gender with ease. Some from a different race. [I will admit though that I do draw a line when it comes to blogs about Justin Beiber or Paris Hilton!] And the beauty of Blogosphere is that if there is something you don’t like, you don’t have to read it! Unlike in outer-Blogosphere where you have no choice but to smile and nod at your friend raving on about the pasty vampire dude in Twilight whilst wishing you could just mute her or you risk offending her.
• Blogosphere is also a world where you get to just vent. Had a bad day at work? Blog. Had a fight with your partner? Blog. Exasperated with your best friend in outer-Blogosphere? Blog. And thou shalt get comments to cheer you up. Or the odd one telling you to get over it
• Blogosphere can also sometimes spill into outer-Blogosphere. Lately I have noticed several ‘Blogger Meets’ that occur in outer-Blogopshere. Through Blogosphere we get to understand most people since most blogs reveal things about the blogger. Whether it’s about one’s lives or one’s views of the world or even through blogs about technology or science or food. You learn something about the person. And that in itself introduces us to this other person across the globe or in the same city. Unlike social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter, the Blogosphere allows you to have longer conversations, interesting discussions and debates as you would with someone face-to-face. It helps that there is no word limit!
• Another great example of Blogosphere breaking boundaries is competitions such as one hosted by GingerChai where 8 individuals from different continents are able to be part of the same team. Without having to actually meet up. Ever think something like that could occur in outer-Blogosphere? Probably not at this point in time! 

Unfortunately, not all is hunky-dory in this world

The Bad

• There have been instances when members of Blogosphere have been sued for defamation. This here is one such case. It’s easy for members to get carried away with their opinions as you would when talking to someone face-to-face in outer-Blogopshere. However, there is a difference when you gossip in outer-Blogosphere to Blogosphere. Words that are said may not necessarily stand up in court unlike those that are written
• There have also been other instances where anonymous insulting commentators have been sued. Once again, the lack of face-to-face contact results in lesser sense of responsibility and a distance from the person one wants to attack. And hence, there are at times, no holds barred when it comes to making a ‘personal’ attack about one’s character or family via Blogosphere. Despite not knowing actual facts.
• It is addictive. Do not say you were not warned. How many people dream about Blogosphere when in outer-Blogosphere? How many members’ fingers itch to type something on their blogs and communicate with the rest of the Blogosphere when they are instead supposed to use the computer for work purposes in outer-Blogosphere? Research is yet to be conducted on the same. It may just be found that Blogosphere is as addictive as nicotine or cocaine or maybe caffeine. 
• Blogosphere has it's own set of fanatics looking to 'save' the rest of the members from sin by joining a religion. So yes, in a way, this is probably similar to outer-Blogosphere although we have the option of ignoring these people. But yes, they do use this world to voice their own fundamental views and they may leave the occassional comment asking you to "visit their blogs". 

The Ugly

• Copycats! Many members of Blogosphere have experienced this. Someone out there copying their own posts, word for word. But taking credit for it. In other words, plagiarising. Given that there are members that share their creativity with other members in this world, this is a total rip off. And unfortunately, unlike in outer-Blogosphere, you cannot sue the person for plagiarism. No matter how many anti-copying widgets one uses, you are still susceptible to this crime.
• Just like any other place in cyberspace, Blogosphere too has its share of creeps and pervs. People that may be predators. And no, I will not be linking any of them.
• Blogosphere also has its own set of stalkers. Yes, people have been stalked and asked for their phone numbers even via Blogosphere. Which is why some members like myself, prefer the mask of a pseudonym. But even that is probably not foolproof.

The Verdict

Blogosphere is open to one and all. The tweens, the teens, the young adults, the adults and even the elderly. That's for certain. So what are you waiting for? Watch out for and be aware of the bad and the ugly bit…but do invite your outer-Blogosphere friends to join in on the fun! They have no idea what they are missing out on in this world called Blogosphere! It's a different experience and a different world.

Check out entries by other members of the Indiana Legends here: Avada Kedavra, Moulee, Pawan, Rumya, Sanchit and Tikuli 

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The Vanguard

Last night, I did something completely spontaneous. It's very unlike me given how much I love to plan but basically a friend of a friend suggested going to the Vanguard at Newtown for a live band that was doing a Paul Rodgers tribute. I had no clue who Paul Rodgers was. Or the bands that he was part of i.e. Free and Bad Company. But given that it was rock and roll (and not Hip-Hop or RnB), I was up for something impromptu.

And it was worth the $30 ticket. It's a small venue and initially I wasn't too pleased. We couldn't really see the stage from where we were seated due to people sitting in front of us and I wasn't very optimistic. But then, for some reason, the people moved and went downstairs which turned out to be a huge bonus. Added to that, we were able to have some beers to go with the music. I just wish it had been tap beer than bottled beer. The band started around 9:30ish and went on for a couple of hours or so. And boy, did they rock! I had no idea about the songs but I enjoyed them thoroughly. The music was amazing. The cover singer was great. All in all, it was fantastic. So much so, I'm looking forward to checking out the original band's music.

Paul Rodgers Tribute at The Vanguard, Newtown

Rock-n-roll will never die. I hope.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Forgive me for I have sinned...

...by doing things my gender is not supposed to do. I have sinned by breaking through those stereotypical barriers. I was tagged by Starry and Avada to list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to. I do think that a small element needs to be added in that this is probably based on the Indian culture. What Indian culture expects each gender to do or not do. You can therefore adapt it to your cultural background I guess. 

So here goes: 

1. I played football (i.e. soccer) and cricket from the time I was about 5 years old till I was 21. For fun, of course. Not professionally or even for a club sadly. I also watch cricket and football with an actual understanding of the games
2. Beer is my favourite alcoholic drink. 
3. I drink alcohol.
4. I migrated to a different country all by myself. A country where I have no family.
5. I bought my own car with my own money. 
6. I have moved furniture and set up furniture. More than once
7. I do not like shopping for clothes or shoes unless it's necessary. You won't find me going on random shopping sprees to make myself feel better
8. I am not excessively fond of make up or jewellery
9. I prefer wearing trousers/jeans. So much more comfortable!
10. For most of my life, I have had short hair. I only let it grow in the last few years here in Australia because I was a poor student and couldn't afford to get my hair cut more than once a year! 
11. I've always chosen to pay for myself on dates. 
12. I loathe the colour pink. I mean it. Give me black or white or red or purple. But not pink!
13. I loved doing weights at the gym. In fact, at one stage, back at the gym in India, I was lifting the heaviest weights of all women visiting that particular gym
14. I love eating. Yes I do worry about my weight but that doesn't mean I eat only salads. I can eat a foot-long sub from Subway or a full bistro meal! After a couple of schooners
15. I take the garbage out!

So there...I'm sure there are a lot more given that I was a tomboy growing up. But I'll stop for now. So go on, take it up and let the rest of us see how you have sinned against gender stereotypes. I tag Titaxy, Nu, Misty, Sam, Richa, Breathing Soul, Leo, Lazy Pineapple, Journomouse and anyone else who wants to take this on.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Mother and Child

Last night I managed to see 'Mother and Child' at the movies. It was one of those limited-release movies and we saw it at Palace cinemas, which is similar to the Dendy but slightly more expensive. One good thing about most limited-release movies are they are not your typical Hollywood trash.

And this was no exception.

'Mother and Child' revolves around the lives of 3 women. Karen (Annette Bening) is a 50 year old woman who gave up a daughter for adoption about 35 years ago. She lives each day in regret and wondering where her daughter is. Her daughter, named Elizabeth now (Naomi Watts) is an independent and successful attorney who values being self-sufficient. She is bitter about being given up for adoption. Lucy (Kerry Washington) is a young wife unable to have children of her own and therefore wanting to adopt. The movie looks at their trials and tribulations individually as eventually their paths cross in a serendipitous manner.

My verdict: BRILLIANT!

Where do I even start? The characters are beautifully created and you can feel the pain, the sadness and the angst of each and every one of them. The actors do a lot of justice to the characters. Samuel L Jackson as Elizabeth's boss and Jimmy Smits as Karen's partner, do a fantastic job as well. They are portrayed as kind, selfless men. Elizabeth is more like her mother than she would ever guess. Distant. Difficulty with relationships. Problems with trust. It makes you think about the nature v/s nurture debate --- a person who has not been brought up by their biological parent still ends up being quite similar to them. What does that say for biology? How do the three women get through their individual turmoils? Does Lucy get to adopt a child? Can Elizabeth ever have a stable relationship when stability is not part of her life? Can she forgive her mother for giving her up? And can Karen forgive herself for giving up her own daughter?

The movie has several underlying themes apart from mothers and their children. And each one is as poignant as the next. A very powerful movie and highly recommended!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

For want of a crystal ball

Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball...to be able to tell at least some of the future. It would make it so much easier to make some decisions. You never know whether a decision is right or wrong until much later. With hindsight. And that's where the problem lies. You have to take the plunge not knowing whether it is a good decision or not. Sometimes you regret it. Sometimes you don't.

At this point in time, I want to make sure that this particular decision I'm planning on making is right. But sadly, due to the lack of a crystal ball, I won't know. And it's driving me nuts! It's not good being an anxious person.

Until next time,