Perfection

We live in a day and age when everything and everyone is expected to be perfect. We are told we need to look a certain way, we need to dress a certain way, be a certain weight, be a certain height, love a certain way, have a relationship a certain way, parent a certain way, live in a certain kind of house and well, to cut a long story short, live a certain way. And of course, almost every one of us strives to attain this illusion of perfection. Given that it is but an illusion, we never reach perfection. At least to the standard it is portrayed. The end result is mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Who dictates these standards of perfection to us? I'd like to blame the media but it had to have stemmed from somewhere for the media to go gung-ho with it.

How many men and women beat themselves up for not having the 'perfect' body like the person shown on telly? Apparently for women, size 0 is perfect. After all, why would the media scathingly attack any model or actress who seemed to be less than perfect? And in countries like India, where perfect looks is equal to fair skin. What does that do to the masses that are dark-skinned?  

Perfect relationships. Hollywood, Bollywood and every other media loves to show us how perfect relationships 'should' be. And you grow up with expectations as ridiculous as 'there is only one soulmate in the world' or 'my partner should say he loves me every few hours' or 'my boyfriend should surprise me with breakfast in bed on the weekend' and ways of how someone should propose to you, yada, yada, yada. And what happens if the guy or girl in real life doesn't emulate the perfect ideal? The world comes crashing down. There are hardly any fights in a relationship at the movies. Real life though, is different. I think the classic mistake about perfection in relationships is how movies depict that the guy or girl just knows what the other partner wants. If you think about it realistically, how many guys actually know a girl would be happy if they cleaned up after themselves??? Some guys need telling. As do some girls. But Hollywood and Bollywood would like us to believe that relationships work on ESP. And can I just say for the record, the whole perfect notion of one perfect person being out there for each and every individual is nothing short of bullshit. Call me a cynic. But imagine if that one perfect person died (or less morbid, broke up with you). Does that mean you go without love for the rest of your life???

What about parents today? There is so much pressure on them to be the 'perfect' parent and raise well-behaved kids and yet juggle work and the house. Mind you, they can't smack their kids, because no perfect parent would do that. They cannot get frazzled. Because no perfect parent would do that. After all, the media portrays Angelina Jolie as the parent-to-be-emulated with her brood of 6...7...8...I don't know, I haven't kept count. And what does a parent of two think? If Jolie can do it, I should be able to do it. I have heard parents tell me that they have tried to manage their oppositional child or their child with attention-deficit problems and can't seem to do so. To them, telling me that is admitting defeat. Admitting failure. And my heart goes out to these parents. Because they are definitely trying their hardest. And all they need are some more skills to manage their child better but it still doesn't mean there aren't going to be setbacks. With all the behaviour management strategies in the world, there will still be days when little Johnny won't give a shit about rewards and consequences and will continue to be oppositional. And the parent might smack him or yell at him but it doesn't mean they are bad parents. [I can tell you what a 'bad' parent is but that will take a whole other post!] The other pressure for parents is that their children have to be the ever-elusive perfect child. Your child doesn't attend any tuitions? You're a bad parent. Your child doesn't learn the piano/violin/singing/dancing? You're a bad parent. Your child runs around in the mud and cycles and explores? You're a bad parent.

Now you know why so many people suffer from mental health problems at least once in their lives.

I wish as a society we would realise that perfection is a myth. No one on this planet is perfect. Not a single person. And trust me, if anyone says they are, they are lying and putting on a facade. Everyone thinks every one else is perfect. I'm sure my clients think I'm perfect and have it all together. Hah! I have admitted to some of my anxious clients about my own social anxiety. And you can see them visibly relax. Almost as if they realise I'm not so perfect after all and I do have issues too!

Striving for that elusive perfection only makes us miserable. It doesn't mean we have to not care. It doesn't mean we don't do our best. We just have different expectations. We can always strive to do the best we can; to be the best we can be. But it doesn't have to be the same 'best' or the 'perfect' that is bombarded by the media.

If only more people realised that, we would all be more relaxed and the world would probably be a happier place.

Being perfect in every way is nothing but a facade.

What are your views? Are you one of those individuals who is depressed or anxious in some way for not attaining perfection in any particular area in your life? Do share...



Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Same old story

I had planned to ignore this story in my blog. The whole Commonwealth Games saga. But when what I was half expecting came up, I couldn't control myself. What was I expecting? For one of the Indian officials screaming racism or something along those lines. And guess what? They didn't disappoint: Criticism a Western conspiracy, according to Kalmadi.

Is he for real?

A western conspiracy? Why? Because people dared to criticise the standards? Because people dared to complain about the state of the toilets and the beds and the infrastructure? Because people dared to complain about the fact that stray dogs and snakes and monkeys were living in the games' village?

And all they can say is that western standards of hygiene are not the same as Indian standards?? For fucks sake! My place back in India was nowhere near as disgusting as the so-called Indian standards. And neither were the places of people I knew.I'm even willing to bet they don't live that way in most slums. [Agreed, I might be stretching it a bit] But I guess all I'm trying to say is this isn't an argument. It just highlights India in a very, very negative light.

Trust this to happen. It's typical of Indian officials. To shirk any form of responsibility when things get tough. To cut corners [Especially as it doesn't involve cricket]. To blame everyone else on the planet. Scream racism or bloody murder as and when it suits them. The Commonwealth Games occurs once in four years. The officials were aware of this a long time ago. So why slack when setting it all up? Why cut corners and use cheap infrastructure? And then blame everyone else when people complain? When people pull out?

Honestly, they remind me of some of my clients. My spoilt clients. The kids that will blame every one else for their behaviour but will never ever take responsibility. Because they never face any consequences. Just like in India. It's a shameful state of affairs.

As I had said once before, I think any terrorists who were contemplating attacks are now just sitting back and relaxing as the officials are doing a great job in destroying the games single-handedly.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Heaven

I took this musical tag from Nu who got it from Swaram who in turn got it from Titaxy who got it from someone else.

The Rules:

    * Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, IPOD etc. on shuffle.
    * For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
    * YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

So here we go

1. If someone asks you, “are you okay” you say:
"Sometimes you can't make it on your own" by U2 [I guess it's true at times...]

2. How would you describe yourself?
"Hurt" by Christina Aguilera [Who would've thought? The only RnB song I have on my list and it supposedly describes me. I do like the song though...gives me goosebumps!]

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
"What about now" by Daughtry [So apparently I like something about the present... =P ]

4. How do you feel today?
"See you when you're 40" by Dido [I guess I'm not feeling too good...]

5. What is your life’s purpose?
"Affirmation" by Savage Garden. [Now this is awesome that it came up because I think the lyrics are amazing!]

6. What’s your motto?
"Feel" by Robbie Williams [I just wanna feel, real love....]

7. What do your friends think of you?
"Speed of Sound" by Coldplay [So friends, what does that mean re what you think of me??]

8. What do your parents think of you ?
"Khe Sahn" by Cold Chisel [ROFL! My parents think I'm Aussie-as! To the non-Aussies who haven't heard of Chisel, this rock song is an Aussie anthem]

9. What do you think of often ?
"Wishing on the same moon" by Powderfinger [Hmm....]

10. What is 2 + 2?
"Don't stop looking for love" by Boyzone [And now we all know the answer]

11. What do you think of your best friend?
"Hundred" by The Fray [No...I don't mean you look 100!!!]

12. What is your life story?
"It's my life" by Bon Jovi [Haha...that's hilarious! In a way, it is my life story. It's my life...no one can tell me what to do!]

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Over my head" by The Fray [Is that related to psychology??? ;) Over my head by being inside others']

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
"Song of the century" by Green Day [Hehe....get it? get it?]

15. What will you dance to at your wedding 4th anniversary?
"Look after you" by The Fray [Hmm...they seem to be featuring quite often. I have more than just them on my playlist! But it's a nice song I think to dance to]

16. What will they play at your funeral ?
"Inside of you" by Hoobastank [*Blush*]

17. What is your hobby/interest?
"The one I love" by The Rasmus [Yes, of course]

18. What is your biggest fear?
"East Side Story" by Bryan Adams [Approaching someone new...?]

19. What is your biggest secret?
"Private Universe" by Crowded House [And that's why it's my biggest secret...]

20. What do you want right now ?
"Crawling in my skin" by Linkin Park [Not really...]

21. What do you think of your friends?
"White Noise" by Living End [I think my friends are going to get annoyed...]

22. When you want to rush to the toilet, what do you think?
"Bent" by Matchbox Twenty [Don't even want to picture that...]

23. Person you hate the most is in front of you, what will you tell the person?
"If I never see your face again" by Maroon 5 [Good pick!]

24. You have just won a lottery. What will you sing?
"The Letter" by Hoobastank feat Vanessa Amorosi [Yeah, I win the lotto and sing about a partner cheating! C'mon! Having said that, I do love this song...]

25. What will you post this as?
"Heaven" by Bryan Adams  [Perfect]

So that's it. I quite enjoyed doing this tag. Anyone else who wants to take it on, please do so. You don't have to link them to videos...I just did inspired by Titaxy and also with the thought that not everyone who reads my blog listens to the music I listen to.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

People you meet...

I've been thinking lately about the different kind of people you meet...in particular, the ones that tend to annoy me. Starting a new job means you get to observe people and the dynamics within any team. And I reckon that's kind of where this stems from. I'm going to try my best to categorise them:

I'm anxious; you need to be too: These are the ones that are so highly anxious to the point when it's contagious. Now, I am an anxious person. But I rarely make others anxious. However, I have known people who think it's doom and gloom all the way through and make you doubt yourself a zillion times! I still vividly remember when I started my fourth year course here. Another student from India was doing the same course but wasn't sure if she would get into the Masters program. And her way of coping with? Telling me in our first week in a new country starting uni that the degree from our uni was not recognised by the immigration department for residency purposes. You can imagine how anxious that would have made me! Turns out she was completely wrong. And she ended up doing her Masters there as well.

Two-faced bitch: This is the lady that talks and smiles and is very friendly with you. She gossips about the woman in the next room and what a bitch she can be and how demanding she is. The next day, you watch her talking to the same lady she gossiped about, this time bitching about someone else in the office and their taste in clothes. Yes, this is the person that bitches about everybody to everybody. Be careful what you tell them.

Know-it-all: This person loves to impart advice. Whether you want it or not. And to tell you what you've done wrong. For instance, when you say you have bought a new used car, they question your choice of car and tell you how they know someone who knows someone who had the same car go bust after a 100,000 kms. Or they question you about why you didn't just buy a new car. Without knowing your financial situation or anything else about you. Or they will tell you about why you really should exercise every day and what you need to do to get rid of the pimples which don't bother you.  The girl from the first example could also possibly fit here.

Best buds: No, they are not really your buddy. But they like to think they are. In some situations. For instance, they have difficulty with a certain task but you don't but they will still present it at a meeting with the manager as "we have been having difficulty with..." I'm sorry. Since when did I have a problem with that? But then, whether you like it or not, the best bud just sucked you in on the discussion and you have no choice but to sit through it.

Palmer-off: If you are an extremely hard-working person at uni or work, and good at heart, you probably will succumb to the conspiracies of the Palmer-off. They are the ones who slack off and dump all their work on to you. They will be oh-so-nice and beg you for your assistance with tasks and before you realise it, you have done it all. Including your work. While they had a relaxing gossip session and tea with their buddies.

Brag-a-delic: They are awesome. They are wonderful. Everyone loves them. They are perfect. That's what they say. Not many others share the same view. Yes, these wonderful people love to talk about how wonderful they are. They talk about their successes, will never admit to a fault, talk about how so-and-so complimented them on the dress they were wearing, how efficient they were in organising something blah, blah, blah. Every. Single. Day. Unfortunately, they do not seem to have an understanding of the age-old saying "actions speak louder than words".

These are just some of the people I have had the 'honour' to meet in my last 26 years on this planet. Despite not liking them very much, they do give me something to blog about. And are interesting to observe as long as I am not trapped by them.

Have you had the pleasure of meeting any of these people? Do share

Do you know of any other character types that you would like to talk about?

All I can say is, thank god the world is not entirely made up of these characters. We still have the decent ones. The helpful ones. The cheerful ones. The friendly ones. The supportive ones.

Even if they may be few and far between.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Time flown by

How time flies! One week into the new position has already gone by. So far, it seems good in terms of the client work. What I am looking for. I have started taking on cases...the best way to familiarise yourself to a new workplace. Get straight into the work! Haven't seen any of the clients yet but booked appointments. So will start seeing them soon. New work is easy to deal with once you get your teeth into it. New people however, are a bit harder to deal with for me. But I'm managing. And hoping it gets better.

Due to a busy week, I have been missing in action from blogosphere. Which means I have missed out on reading and commenting on your posts as well. But I am catching up with it all. Now that I am getting into a routine things should be better in terms of my relationship with blogosphere.

How have you all been? I've missed you! =)

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Evening with Akmal

Last night I went to watch a comedy show. I watched Akmal Saleh live. And he was hilarious! I've always liked Akmal so it was great to be able to see him live for only $40. The support act wasn't all that great...a dude called Joel Osbourne. Never heard of him.

Akmal's stand-up is generally around his life and experiences. He migrated to Australia from Egypt so he does have a lot of ethnic jokes and politically incorrect ones. And that's my kind of humour --- politically incorrect humour! :) His parents were very religious Coptic Orthodox individuals so he had a pretty humourous upbringing. Or at least the way he says it.

It was nice to have a night of belly-aching laughter. Some of his jokes did leave people gasping for air after laughing.

All in all, a lovely night out.

How was your weekend? 

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Pray for mental health

Prior to the elections last month, I didn't really listen to any of the promises by either party. I couldn't be bothered especially since I had made up my mind. But then I read something just the other day. I read news that both the Labor and Coalition governments had agreed to provide extra funding for chaplains in state schools across the nation. And I was hugely disappointed. On more levels than one.

I am not against any religion as such despite not being a very religious person. And I'm sure chaplains are great in their own way. But how can the government think of spending so much money on chaplains when state schools don't have decent school counsellors to cover the number of students? I cannot speak for other states but I know for a fact that in New South Wales, there is a school counsellor spread across two to three schools each with at least 500 students. No state school gets a full time counsellor of it's own. And knowing this situation, the major parties pledge to fund chaplains? Chaplains who are not trained in any mental health work, I'd like to add.  School counsellors are probably not as trained as psychologists in mental health but they still know what signs to look for. They know where to refer students to.

I attended a school counsellor's meeting a while ago and the mean age of the state counsellors is nearing retirement. With not many more entering the workforce due to a job where they are thinly spread and over-worked. Why doesn't the government fund more school counsellors than chaplains?

The other argument I have against chaplains is the assumption that every child is of one particular faith. What about those children that don't feel comfortable speaking to a chaplain and would rather speak to a non-judgemental counsellor? Someone who is not going to impart purely religious beliefs. What about those students that are not religious at all?   

I think it's appalling on the government's part to think of spending all this money on something that I don't think is necessary for all schools. If there are some schools that want to have chaplains, fair enough. They can have them. But why use tax payers' money to fund the same? I'm glad the Australian Psychological Society has spoken up against this. And for the need of more school counsellors instead. The government funding for chaplaincy in state schools is now facing legal challenge in the high court. I do hope the government comes to its senses and decides to use the $220 million to fund counsellors instead.

Else, they are failing majority of the children and adolescents here. Those in need of talking to someone who understands them. And who is non-judgemental. And of course, someone who understands mental health.

Not just someone asking them to pray to god for help or forgiveness.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

One week to go...

...before I start my new job. And things have been a bit hectic wrapping up at my current one. I'm excited, nervous, apprehensive and a bit sad all at once. Although this has been a short stint, I have met some lovely people. It's unfortunate the job wasn't all I had hoped. The apprehension, as always, is about starting something new and meeting new people and hoping the new job is what I've been looking for.

This last week, I've been so buggered, it's not funny. I haven't had the energy to comment on blog posts and some days, read. I haven't had the inclination to blog. Just tired. Hopefully, I'll be back soon. Spring has begun here...so that's exciting. Good-bye evil cold winter!

I guess that's it for now. Have some work stuff to do.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!