10 Day Challenge: Ten Secrets

I decided to take on the 10 Day You Challenge after reading Richa's and Prats' post. I might occasionally have a different post in between attempting this challenge but I thought this would be interesting to do. So anyway, the first 'day' requires me to share 10 secrets.

1. I talk to myself a lot. And not just in my head but out loud. I can have conversations with myself...I'll ask myself questions and respond to them. Generally it's when I'm by myself at home or while driving. But occasionally I find myself talking out loud when I'm at the shops planning out loud where else I have to go. And yes, I get strange looks.

Beef Lasagne

2. I enjoy cooking. It's funny that I hated cooking before I came to Australia and the only reason I'd step into the kitchen would be to get my food. However, living on my own left me with few options and I found that I actually enjoyed cooking and trying out new recipes. The only thing is, I prefer when there are other people to try out the food and be my guinea pigs! :) You can see some of my attempts here.

Memories of Chandler

3. I love F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I find that I relate everyday things to the series. I must have watched all the episodes a zillion times by now and still manage to laugh every single time. And my favourite character is Chandler.

4. When I finished my 10th, I took up Arts with the intention of going on to become a journalist. I was keen on becoming a sports journalist for about two years. And then in Year 11, I studied Psychology and was sucked in. I also had the realisation that as a socially-phobic individual, being a journalist and being forthright and pushy may not really be the best career option. I haven't regretted my decision since.

5. Sometimes I am scarily like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. No, I don't have his supreme intelligence or his obnoxious behaviour. But I can take things a bit too literally at times and not get some jokes and sarcasm. Go figure.


6. I cannot stand narcissists! I have met a few in the workplace and I find it hard to be able to communicate with them. I'm not rude, of course. But just knowing that they think they are better than everyone else annoys me to the point where I can just say "hi" to them or communicate in response to things they ask.

7. I don't like owing people money. I make sure if I borrow money, I return it as soon as possible. However, currently, I'm still lagging behind in the money I owe my parents for my postgrad studies. But I'm getting there...paying them back.

8. When I was a teenager, I was unhappy at being an introvert. I thought I was boring and yearned to be witty and extroverted and outgoing. Basically, I yearned to be the life of a group. Thankfully, some years ago, something clicked in my brain and I accepted my introversion and I can honestly say I am happy. I don't loathe myself as I did before. And I really enjoy my time with myself.

9. I am ashamed to say this one. When I was about 11 or 12, I attempted to use fairness creams. Yes, I admit, I used Fair and Lovely. It didn't have any effect (surprise, surprise!) I was insecure about my looks and the colour of my skin was part of that. I accepted it some years after that and I can proudly say that in the last 6 years, I am even proud of my dark skin (which by the way, has become darker in Australia thanks to my love for the beach and the sun!)

10. I have never seen snow apart from in the movies. I long to see it.

And that's it. Ten secrets from me. Keep watching this space for the 'You' challenge.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

All made up wherever you go...

I re-started my work out at the gym on Monday this week and something I observed made me think of writing this post. I noticed a woman all made-up (lipstick, eye shadow, eye liner, rouge, foundation) and working out and sweating. And I wondered --- what was the point of all that make-up? I remember noticing this years ago too when I used to go to the gym in India. There were some young women who were all made up and it made you wonder why especially given that they were going to be sweating it out.

But then, a friend of mine back in India enlightened me. You see, she is or at least, used to be one such person. One who applied make-up if she stepped out of home. So it didn't matter if she was going to the gym or to the shops or to college, she would have her lipstick on, her eyeliner, mascara, foundation and rouge. For her, it was all about looking her best. I did ask whether she sweated at the gym...apparently not much. [I on the other hand, do not glow. I perspire. Profusely. I look like a hag during and after my workout!] Anyway, there were other theories that these women were also using the gym as a place to pick-up. Fair enough. But that didn't explain the woman I saw at my gym on Monday because it's an all-women's gym.

I wonder though --- all these women that have the need to apply make-up before they leave the house no matter where they are going --- do they have such a low opinion of how they look? Think about it. Why would you apply all of what I said above if you were just going to the shops? To buy groceries? For that matter, I never understood the few women that would be all made-up to college or uni. We were going there to learn. To study. The friend I mentioned before would wake up early in order to apply her make-up. She even advised me to apply more make-up if I wanted to pick up a guy when I came to Australia (and she was overseas then living on-campus and not leaving her residence unless she had made her face). She couldn't understand my lack of wanting to apply make-up the same way as I found it hard to understand her need to do so. She is an attractive woman even without make-up. And I think that's what made it harder for me to fathom why she needed to put on so much.

Don't get me wrong --- I don't think I look fabulous or anything. But I'm comfortable with the way I look. Plain or otherwise. The only make-up I apply is eyeliner and a dash of lipstick (which barely lasts an hour into work) whether I'm going to work or a party. For grocery shopping, I don't bother!

Is it just women with such self-esteem issues? Or is there a male equivalent to make-up?

I don't mean to offend anyone with this post. But I am really curious. What is it that possesses some women to give up sleep in order to apply make-up?

Are you one of those women? Or do you know anyone like that? Do share.

All I can think of is a poor self-concept about the way one looks.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

What a weekend!

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

To enrol for a 2 day course over the weekend. It meant not having to take time off work to attend professional development. It meant I could attend the course I've been wanting to for a year.

But after working a week, being sick and then waking up at the ungodly hour of 6 on a Saturday and Sunday on cold mornings as well, I am questioning my sanity when I initially made the decision.

Like I said to someone...the things we do for our profession and career!

We are nuts! But I guess it means we are in the right line of work!

Hope you are having a better weekend in terms of relaxing. And please don't rub it in.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

55 Fiction - Only mine

I stared at the picture of my wife. So beautiful. So striking. I love her dearly. Passionately. And I thought she’d felt the same.

Until I found the letters of her betrayal.

But I don’t want to think about that now. Not when I have her forever.

Locked away in my basement. Only mine.  

***This has been written for Magpie Tales 70***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The M word

M stands for marriage.

I cannot help but wonder --- why is marriage considered to be such an essential step in life? During my recent trip to India, I did get asked the question... so when am I planning on settling down? I did answer to a couple of people that I am settled down --- I have a house, a job, good friends, a content life. But apparently that wasn't what they meant by "settling down". And they said so. I told them I didn't need a man to settle down [even though I have one] and that I wasn't interested in getting married at the moment. And of course, I got responses like "how can you say that?" and "you need to let your parents complete their duties and be happy" and the like. [I'll write a whole other post on the parental duties thing later!]

And it's not just the elders. People my age too think marriage is an essential step. A married friend asked me if I was planning on getting married at least by 30-32 years. I said I had no such plans and would take life as it comes. She was shocked. Another friend told me he was being pressured by his parents now that he is 28 and since he doesn't have a girlfriend, he has given them the nod to find someone. He also said that other friends are being pressured in the same way and some are in the process of going through the step.  Yet another friend is surprised when I tell her I'm perfectly happy to be in a defacto relationship as against getting married. Or when I say that marriage is just signing a piece of paper.

Once again, it's not just in India where marriage is considered oh-so-important. True, the age of marriage is a lot earlier (and I am way over the hill there!) But my friends here too (all Australian of different ethnicities) want to get married some day. It doesn't matter if they are single now or seeing someone...marriage is the ultimate thing. An article in the paper last month shows that more and more young Australians are thinking of marriage as something they must do by 40 and have a back-up plan as well.

What is it about marriage? It can't just be the companionship of another person because you can get that with a defacto relationship. Yet, it is marriage that is sold. Not defacto relationships. It can't be about having children because you can have children out of wedlock and in a defacto relationship. And come to think of it, here at least the legalities around both relationships are pretty similar. Yet, the wedding industry in Australia makes big bucks...people spend at least a whole year's income on a wedding [For what, I ask? One day?]. All the American TV shows that I can remember have a marriage to depict a 'happily ever after' scenario. Why can't they depict happy unmarried people? Or even a happy defacto couple?

I remember reading some interesting posts some months ago by IHM, Richa, Shail and others on marriage being sold to women in India in glossy covers and nodding my head in agreement. Personally, I think it is sold world over in that manner. Wedding magazines. Blissful married lives (apparently). Big suburban houses. All honey-coated for men and women to get sucked in. It's almost amusing it's sold in this manner when divorce rates are so high! And yet, people are buying it.

So do you have an answer? Why is marriage such a big deal? 

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Final Moments

Lying on my deathbed

Looking back at life

Feeling the wind on my skin

Chilling the frail bones inside

If I could wind back the clocks

Is there anything I would change?

Experiences from childhood or adolescence

That I thought caused so much damage?

Those periods of anxiety

The awkward teenage phase

If I could somehow change those

Would I be able to save face?

The perceived harsh parenting

The introverted lifestyle

Had those not been there

Could I view life with a smile?

Life has had its ups and downs

Moments both glad and bad

Times I’ve wanted to end it all

And events that have made me mad

But all in all I can’t complain

I think my life was pretty swell

I had good family and good friends

I lived my life well

All the events in my life

Made me the person I am today

Lying on my deathbed

Happy to peacefully pass away

This has been written for One Single Impression Prompt 173: Wind

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Back on my feet

...on solid ground. I think I completely relaxed after touching down at Sydney and walking in the airport. I must say I admire Qantas pilots but flying is still a bit scary for me. Anyway, the flight from Bombay to Singapore was good as I had a window seat and didn't have anyone next to me. However, the Singapore to Sydney flight was not so great. The food was terrible. I had a middle seat. And my stomach felt crappy through the trip. Plus the night before I left, I had a temperature and I think the flu made my ears get blocked more easily with the altitude.

And then yesterday, upon reaching a wintry but fine Sydney, I had a fever again last night. However, nothing that a cold and flu medicine couldn't help along with 14 hours of sleep.

So yes, I'm back to my routine. Back to work tomorrow. And need to see if I'm strong enough to go back to the gym [The fever yesterday has made me feel a bit weak].

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Bon Voyage

For me. Not sure if you can say that to yourself though!

So yes, there's one more sleep to go and then I head back home to the routine of work and everyday life. I had a good break despite being sick throughout the trip. At least the fever only lasted a couple of days but the cough and runny nose have persisted. Thankfully, none of this interfered with my plans to eat. And eat I have! I think I have put on all the weight I had lost from a month of gymming and more.

Met up with friends, attended the wedding reception of one, answered that I am happily settled down to people posing that question about "settling down", spent time with my parents and sister. Glad to say my mum looks well following the surgery last year. I still worry that the paternal grandmother refuses to leave the house and give my parents a break and they both look tired while she looks healthy. Unfortunately was unable to meet up with a couple of bloggers Soulmate and Magali due to a busy schedule.

But now, I'm looking forward to going back home...back to work. It's funny...I have missed work. Found myself thinking of a few clients over the last week or so. Honestly, something's wrong with me! I've been complaining about the monsoons here but from what I hear it's raining in Sydney too. Sigh. Not a fan of the rains. The difference though will be the freezing cold back home. Hello winter!

See you all from Down Under!

And now I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I fly safely and land safely...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Compromise vs Acceptance

Recently I caught up with a couple of my school friends here. One got married last year and given that I hadn't met her since, the topic obviously steered towards how she was finding married life. The other friend is not married yet but is planning to within the next year or so. The difference between the two is that the former's marriage was arranged while the latter is in a relationship.

Anyway, my married friend had some words of advice for my other friend and me. She spoke about how there were things about married life that were very difficult --- things which you would assume require communication and compromise --- but then stated that in the end, you have to accept what your husband chooses to do. She said something along the lines that in order to make the marriage work, you have to accept everything and said that divorce is not an option in the Indian society because of how it negatively affects the families and the community. She also went on to say that sometimes when husbands get in a bad mood, they can say really mean things. But the way she said it, shocked my other friend and me as we assumed there was physical abuse occurring. She denied that but then in a matter-of-fact way said that the husband of a woman she works with does that. But apparently, the woman eventually told her parents who spoke to his parents who spoke to him and it no longer occurs.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And apparently, neither could my other friend. We spoke about how domestic violence was not acceptable in any way and that not all abusers change that easily.

I think though personally, what shocked me the most was the matter-of-fact tone in which she said it. Like it was acceptable. Like it was okay if a husband hit his wife when angry. And that too, all this coming from an educated working woman my age. What hope is there if educated women think that you have to accept all that your husband does? That compromise means acceptance from the wife rather than both parties reaching a middle ground? And while I understand there needs to be a level of acceptance in a relationship, there is a limit for that as well. For instance, accepting a quirk is one thing, accepting the fact that your partner can say mean things to you any time they wish is another.


Women and men need to learn the difference between compromise and acceptance. Compromise involves both parties making a concession. Like for example, if one partner is very clean to the point of being obsessive and the other is very messy, you reach a middle ground of cleanliness. On the other hand, acceptance involves just one party accepting what the other party does. So in other words, the obsessive neat freak accepting that the other partner is going to be messy but then possibly themselves just cleaning up.

And as far as issues such as domestic violence are concerned, there is no acceptance and no compromise. It is NOT acceptable under any circumstance.

Hopefully, there are more women like my other friend. Who knows where to draw a line. Who will stand up for themselves and call it quits when there is violence in a relationship.

Until next time,

Cheers!!

For same-sex marriage? Same as accepting incest!

Apparently according to Anglican archbishop of Sydney, Peter Jensen, if we accept and legalise same-sex marriage, it would be the same as accepting incest or polygamy. Not only that, he seems to think that by legalising it, homosexuality would be "normalised" particularly in sex education in schools. Because, homosexuality as all religious fanatics know, is 'abnormal'.  And if you thought he couldn't get any more obnoxious, he also thinks that by legalising same-sex marriage, the family unit would be undermined.

This is the reason I have a problem with religion.

On the one hand, god in all religions supposedly preached tolerance. And yet, the ultra-religious tend to be the least tolerant people on the planet. No other religion can exist apart from their own. No other way of life can exist apart from what they think is right. It really angers me.

I would like to ask the archbishop whether he knows what incest is. He thinks it is immediate family members getting married to one another. Well, does he know that in some cultures, that does happen? And no, they have not legalised same-sex marriage. And whether he knows that polygamy exists in some off-shoots of Christianity (like the Mormons) who also have not legalised same-sex marriages.

And the family unit? With more and more single parent households, what unit are we talking about? Couples no longer have to be married to have kids. Is that a problem too for the archbishop? [Probably is given the title of his speech] So is he going to say that defacto relationships should also be considered abnormal? There are legal rights for couples in defacto relationships? Does that mean we are normalising it and sending a bad message to the younger generation? Oh dear.

A recent longitudinal study comparing children of lesbian parents and their peers with heterosexual parents found no difference on measures of social development or behaviour. Moreover, they found that children in lesbian homes scored higher than their peers in straight families on measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioural problems. Another study has shown that zero percent of lesbian mothers are abusive.

I know the religious people go on and on about how marriage is between a man and a woman. If I remember correctly, the same religious people did not allow the word divorce into their vocabulary. But lots of religious people get divorced today. So who is to say that the term 'marriage' cannot be adopted for a union between a man and a man, a woman and a woman as well as a man and a woman.

Move on people. And Ms Gillard, please take it upon yourself to make this change occur. To legalise same-sex marriage. This is one way in which we can actually move forward. [Even if you do get opposed by the religious fanatic leading the opposition party]

Until next time,

Cheers!!

Finding yourself

A recent conversation with a friend triggered this post. A recent frustrating conversation. Apparently there is a belief that you need to "find yourself" before you are worthwhile or good enough. This involves sorting out all your issues and your problems as well as understanding why you exist and what you are here on planet earth for.

Piece of cake. Not.

Especially not when you are a person who thinks you cannot move on with day to day life if you haven't done all of it.

My argument with my dear friend fell on deaf ears.

I tried explaining how some people probably don't "find themselves" even until they are on their death bed. Others may figure certain things out only by getting on with life and going with the flow. And sometimes, you cannot afford to stop your life just to sort out some issues. The clients I see have not all stopped getting on with school, with relationships or work just to sort out their depression or anxiety or post-traumatic stress. Some adults may stop work for a while but they will still seek therapy. Not just mull around things in their head and sort it out that way.

The past doesn't always determine the present or the future. No matter what Freud and attachment theorists would like you to believe. But some people, including my friend, truly believe the past does determine your life. And hence is stuck and unable to move on with life. Traumatic experiences do occur. Dysfunctional families are almost the norm. But that doesn't mean we don't have a choice in terms of how our lives pan out. We may not always sort out all our issues but we do have a choice regarding how we deal with these issues. Do we want these issues to rule our lives? Or do we want to get on with day-to-day life and work on the issues simultaneously?

And why is it so important to find oneself? I get annoyed with books and movies glorifying how people find themselves. [Funnily enough, they tend to do that in India. Go figure!] It is a new-age thing for sure. I'm pretty certain Gandhi or Martin Luther King never "found themselves". They got on with their lives, stood up for their beliefs and took on responsibility. We can't all be Kings and Gandhis. But we can get on with our lives. Doing what we do. Not needing to travel to India or other countries to 'find ourselves'.

It doesn't matter if I don't know what my purpose on earth is. As long as I am content with what I'm doing and not harming anyone, that should be enough. Sometimes, it is not our careers that is our 'purpose'. It may be something completely different. Who knows? Maybe we are all here to do one small thing and we may have already done it. Does that mean we stop living now?

I understand this has turned out to be a bit of a rant. Honestly though, if another person tells me they want to "find themselves" I'm going to physically hurt someone! :P

So what about all of you out there? Do you have similar beliefs? Have you come across people who are so stuck in the past and not getting on with the present thanks to irrational or unhelpful beliefs?

Do share.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Stage Fright

The thought of speaking

In front of an audience

Is one that scares me no end

All eyes focused up on me,

Waiting eagerly to hear

Something they can comprehend

The butterflies in my stomach

The dryness of my mouth

Legs wobbling like jelly

Palms all a-sweaty

Bile rising in my throat

All these feelings I endure

I breathe a few times

Deeply in and out

Clear my throat slowly

Looking at the paper I’ve got

The words are all blurry

I cannot see a thing

The tears they start swimming

And my mind shuts within

Blackness comes over me

As I crumple to the floor

Never again am I doing this

Not giving a speech anymore

This was written for One Single Impression Prompt No. 171

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

It's a jungle out there...

...on the streets of Bombay I mean.

How do people even drive here? Actually, let me rephrase that. Why do people even want to drive here?

I had the most stressful time yesterday. The driving scene in Bombay seems to be getting from bad to worse as the years go on. Back when I used to live here about 7 years ago, people never followed the lane system. You would see about 5 to 7 lanes of cars, buses, trucks, autos and cabs on a road with 3 lanes [Makes you wonder why they bother spending money painting those white lines on the roads in the first place!] But I think that was as bad as it got along with the terrible roads.

However, since the last time I visited a couple of years ago, and now, I notice that people don't bother stopping at red lights any more. If you do, there are other vehicles honking from behind to get a move on it. I don't understand how that works! Why would you not stop at a red light? And it's not just in the suburbs. It's in places near the international airport and everywhere else.

Then there are the signs indicating what speed one must go. And no one follows that. We were in a cab yesterday night who drove 90 ks in a 50 k zone. And only here can you get two vehicles on the same side of the road driving towards each other. There is no concept of staying on the different side of the median strip. And distance between vehicles. That's not even part of their knowledge. Vehicles are so close to one another on all sides, it's a miracle they aren't on top of one another!

And it's peak hour in some areas even at midnight. Thanks to trucks just parked on one lane or vehicles stopping right in the middle of the road because they own the road.

Last night, we went to drop off my cousin at the airport and on the drive back after a downpour, I found myself clutching the door handle and holding on for dear life. Because there was no seatbelt in the back either. I get stressed driving in Sydney to and from work and suffer immense road rage. But I've never been stressed as a passenger. And I've never even been as stressed as I was last night.

I think I need a reminder in my car back home in Sydney saying "Remember Bombay". That should help curb my road rage there and put things in perspective.

I would so love to video crazy driving and in my next 2 weeks here, I'm going to try. But in the mean time, I'll leave you with a couple of YouTube videos I found which is not an exaggeration.

What I do want to know from other Indian readers...does this happen in other states and cities too? Or is it just confined to Bombay? Do other states also flout rules around stopping at red lights?

To my Aussie readers, we drive on the same side of the road in Aus as they are supposed to drive in India. Just to give you an idea about how wrong it is! And to American readers, it's supposed to be the opposite side of the road as you guys.

It's funny to think I was scared of flying just a week ago. Now I'm just scared to be on the roads!

It is without a doubt a jungle out there. And only the fittest survive. As a mate of mine once mentioned the last time I visited: when driving in India, you have to know what the other driver is going to do even before the other driver knows it himself/herself. 

On a slightly side note, I landed safely, had a weird person sitting next to me on the Singapore to Bombay flight who smelt like she hadn't showered in years, felt nauseous on that flight (motion sickness?), liked seeing my parents and sister here, am ignoring the bitch of a grandmother, was sweating like a pig thanks to power failure the day I landed, have already eaten some great food, and am down with a sore throat and runny nose less than 24 hours in.  

Welcome to India!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Cloudstreet

 
‘Cloudstreet’ by Tim Winton starts off in the 1940s in Western Australia. We are introduced to the Pickles family and the Lamb family. The Pickles include Sam Pickles, the father, his wife, Dolly Pickles and kids Ted, Rose and Chub. The Lamb family are initially a god-fearing family with Lester Lamb at the helm along with his wife Oriel. Their children include their sons Quick, Fish and Lon and their daughters Hat, Elaine and Red.

Sam Pickles is bad luck. Literally. He lost half his arm in a work accident. He woke up next to his dead father. He bets on horses. And never wins, thus gambling away money he doesn’t even have. His wife Dolly is very beautiful. Trouble is, she knows it. And spends her time in pubs drinking and sleeping with sailors and other men. By a stroke of luck for Sam in a very unfortunate manner (if that’s possible), his brother drops dead too and leaves Sam and family a house in Perth where they decide to start afresh. The house is number 1, Cloud Street. A massive house. That seems like it could fall apart. One of the conditions on which Sam has received the house though is that they cannot sell it for another twenty years. But given Sam’s gambling habits, it’s hard to maintain a house as big as this.

Enter, the Lamb family. Looking to get away and start afresh after an accident renders Fish, the favourite child, mentally disabled, they move into half of Cloud Street as tenants. They couldn’t be more unlike the Pickles. Hard working. Persistent. Oriel sets up a grocery store outside the house, thus raking in the money. And Sam and Dolly continue to squander the rental income on gambling and booze.

Cloudstreet covers both families lives over twenty years or more. We follow Quick and how he struggles with his guilt. We see Fish and how incapable and child-like he is and continues to be. We see Lon who starts off as a toddler and who he turns out to be. We see tomboyish Red and her journey through life. We follow Rose through her struggles with an eating disorder and having to be the parent when both her parents are pretty useless. All this set in the time of war in the backdrop to begin with. And whether the families are able to forgive themselves and the other members for all that has occurred.

Cloudstreet is one of Winton’s most famous books. And it did live up to its name for me. However, I must say, this is the first Winton book I’ve read and initially it was a bit hard to get around his writing style. He’s very Australian in that he writes some words the way it ought to be pronounced. For instance, ‘carn’ for ‘come on’ or ‘yairs’ for ‘yes’. Another unique feature of his style was the complete lack of inverted commas for dialogue. I found it frustrating initially as I would wonder whether it was someone thinking or actually speaking. But once you get through the first couple of chapters, you are able to understand his style better and then it flows really quickly. At the end of the day, these two families and their members could remind you of people you know. The characters are very realistic and you do feel for some of them and get angry with others at the right moments. All in all, it was a good book even though I took a break once as I had to read another book for my book club. The book has now been made into a mini TV series.

My rating would be 4/5.

This has been written as part of the 2011 Aussie Author Challenge.

It has also been cross-posted over at Bond with Books. Check out the blog for book reviews by other bloggers.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!