Faces in the Clouds

...by Matt Nable.

Meet Stephen and Lawrence Kennedy. Twins. Born and brought up in the army barracks with their dad Sargent Terry Kennedy and god-fearing mother, Leila Kennedy. Although they are twins, they couldn’t be more different. Lawrence is intellectually disabled while Stephen is not. Stephen tries to battle with his thoughts about resenting some of Lawrence’s behaviour while at the same time loving his brother very much. On the whole though, these two boys enjoy their lives in the barracks with their friends, particularly Katie Monahan and Johnny Birch.

However, their worlds are turned upside down when their parents die in a car crash and both Stephen and Lawrence are sent to live with people they barely know --- Helen and Nathan Williams. The journey for the twins continues as they each deal with their grief and other tragedies, sibling rivalry and how they move through adolescence and finally into adulthood.

I really enjoyed this book and the pace at which it covered more than a decade in the lives of Stephen and Lawrence. The unimaginable tragedy of losing one’s parents as a child and having to live with complete strangers was heart-wrenching. And then, to still have burdens placed on them is just another layer to this. But despite the tragedies and the past, the book looks at how they deal with it in their own way and manage to live in the present and dream for the future. It looks at life, love, friendships and relationships and how one deals with adversity. More so, it shows that despite the challenges life throws at you, it makes you a stronger person. The characters of Stephen and Lawrence are both very realistic and likeable. Nable hasn’t exaggerated the intellectual disability and the frustrations that Stephen goes through are very understandable.

To sum it up, life can suck. But it’s a ride nevertheless. And as long as you pick yourself up, you can move on.

It is a bitter-sweet book to the very end and definitely keeps you hooked.

I give it 4 stars out of 5.

***This has been written as part of the Aussie Author Challenge 2011***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Listen to the victim...

She was the new girl

At the prestigious high school

Didn’t fit in from day one

You see, she just was uncool

Wearing her skirt long
Rather than way up the knees
Her hair just one shade of blonde
Instead of colours three

She had a regular mobile phone
One without a cam or touch screen
And had no internet on it
Using it for actually speaking

To the other girls
She was nothing but a dag
And her love for reading
To them was a drag

Being unpopular in her grade
Didn’t seem a bother
She carried on with her studies
Barely hearing smirks and laughter

The popular girls then decided
Her nonchalance must end
The only way to amuse themselves
Was to give this new girl hell

They hid her books for English
And stole her homework sheet
When she went for sport
They ripped her skirt and tee

They tripped her on the stairs
And bumped hard into her
Started sending threatening texts
And rejoiced at her tears

They posted lies of her online
Photo-shopped her nude
Gave out her mobile number
Asking for calls from dudes

She started failing her tests
And missing a lot of school
Still the popular girls didn’t relent
Instead, posting her address online too

She finally decided to cave in
And went to her parents two
They took the matter to the cops
Who said there was nothing they could do

The school said its hands were tied
As the problems were online
There was nothing they could say to the girls
Who continued to make miserable her life

Finally the new girl could take no more
The calls at her home and more lewd photos
The requests for sex from random guys
The harassment had gone overboard

She felt calm upon making the decision
Despite knowing her parents’ despair
It was the only way to end this mess
And even get out of her parents’ hair

Next morning her mum went to wake her
To find her only daughter dead
Hanging with her favourite scarf
Beside a final note left unread

The popular girls later heard the news
As around went the whirlwind story
Of how a new girl took a life
Being a victim of bullying

You’d think they’d be sorry
For their role in her death
But alas! they were already on
To a new girl; a new target

For the popular girls, their lives were defined
By how many others they could abuse
This way they felt empowered
And continued to keep themselves amused

***This has been written for One Single Impression Prompt 187***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Kitty Moments...

Who would have thought that I --- a person who pretty much loathed cats until 5 years ago --- would be writing a gushing post about cats!

But people change. And the last few days with Pebbles have been so much fun! Here are just a few reasons why...

...she runs around like a manic kitty shooting from one room to the next exploring.

...and then sleeps a couple of hours later after tiring herself out.

...she attacks any moving piece of string as if it were prey.

...she loves sleeping in bed with me.

...she loves sleeping on or next to me.

...she had some separation anxiety for a few days. She'd meow if no one was in the room with her. And she'd make sure she slept close to someone so if we got up she'd wake up immediately and follow us.

...she comes up to me for a kiss in the morning and when I'm back from work. I kid you not.

...she learnt how to jump on the couch and the bed in a matter of two days.

...she loves playing with fingers and feet...and if you're not careful, can start attacking them.

...she hides and when you say "Where's Pebbles?" she jumps out.

...she loves anything that's hanging and moving. And unfortunately, that involves a lot of electrical cords around the house.

...she doesn't like me paying attention to books or the computer if she's awake and she'll sit on the keyboard or the book.

...she is oh-so-cute when asleep. The manner in which she tosses and turns and stretches. Makes you want to watch her the whole time.

I'm so glad I got her. I must admit I have had a lot of anxiety and guilt leaving her at home and going to work. Guess this is what it feels like when parents go back to work. I'll leave you all with a photo of Pebbles. [again!]

By the way, I promise that all my posts henceforth are not going to be just gushy posts about Pebbles.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Cop-o-phobia

I noticed something really strange with me and thought I'd share it to see if others go through something similar.

Whenever I see a police car, my anxiety increases two-fold and my heart starts beating very quickly. As if I'm doing something wrong. Fact is, I am not. But it doesn't matter. I still feel anxious until they go away. Since I started driving, I have been pulled over for random-breath tests about 5 times. And every single time I have been bloody nervous.

Even though I know I have not had any alcohol!

Being a P-plater, I am supposed to have zero blood alcohol. So I never drink and drive. But even so, I worry when pulled over. As if scared that the breathalyser will pick up some alcohol I might have had a day or two ago. Or sometimes, a week ago. Last week, on Monday after work, I was pulled over for this. And the last drink I'd had was on the Friday night. Yet, there was the anxiety. Increased heart rate and all.

Only relaxing once I was given the green light to go.

This morning, there was a police car on the opposite side of the road while I was waiting at a set of traffic lights. They were trying to help out a situation where a semi-trailer had broken down. And just seeing the cops standing next to my car whilst talking to the roads authority was enough to increase my anxiety.

And I find myself wondering --- why is that?

It's not like I've ever committed a crime. [Ok, so I did steal gum when I was 7 but I confessed and got duly punished!!] So why should I feel anxious?

Is it just a cop thing?

Or is it just me being weird?

Does this ever happen to you? Do share. And tell me it does!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Say hello to Pebbles...

...the newest member of my household.

Pebbles looking up at yours truly

Pebbles playing with my feet --- she seems to love them

Pebbles looking for a spot to sleep

Tired after 2 hours of running around

Definitely my cat --- already interested in my laptop

...and my book

Pebbles is 2 months old and only arrived home this arvo. I bought her last week. I've had her for about 3 hours and she's so gorgeous and playful! She was constantly jumping around and exploring the unit this arvo. Until of course, she tired herself out. Right this instant, she is fast asleep...

Pebbles asleep on my lap with the laptop as her pillow

So anyway, I'm excited. And wanted to share it with you all.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

R U OK? Day

15th September is R U OK? Day.

What is R U OK? Day?

It is a day for all Australians (and personally, people world over) to connect with others and check how they are going. In other words, it is to try and help with small problems and thereby prevent something bigger. Like suicide.

R U OK? Day is a suicide prevention day.

It was founded by Gavin Larkin whose own father lost his battle with depression. A secret he kept hidden from family and friends and isolated himself to the point where he eventually took his life. Gavin Larkin though this project hopes that other people ask people they care about one important question: "Are you okay?"

It is a paradox that in this day and age where we can virtually connect with people from all corners of the world, we still fail to connect with friends and family and neighbours on a personal and real level. And sometimes, this isolation can play a big part in someone developing a mental health problem like depression.

On this day (and on others), I would like to take on the message from the founder and encourage you all to ask at least one person in your lives if they are okay. And don't just leave it at that. Listen to them actively. Ask open-ended questions. Try not to provide platitudes (e.g. "I know everything will be okay") or be judgemental. Most importantly, if a person discloses they are suicidal, do not ignore them or worse, pooh-pooh them or threaten them. Instead, once again, listen. And refer them to an appropriate service. You do not need to take responsibility for them but you can recommend they see someone. If however they have no plans, do remember to check up on them a day or two later. The R U OK? Day website gives some great communication tips as well. 

Suicide is still considered a taboo subject and not openly talked about.

But it's time we did. There is nothing scary in talking about suicide. Only if we talk about it can we become more aware in the signs and thereby help prevent it. For someone that talks about suicide and self-harm with every second client, it has become second nature and not shocking to talk about it. But sadly, the greater public still are afraid to broach the subject.

It is but a myth that if you ask someone if they are suicidal, then you are putting ideas into their heads. You have to ask direct questions. Only then do you get a direct answer.

I think Gavin Larkin has done a brilliant job of trying to promote suicide prevention awareness. On a side note, he is not okay today. I watched him on Australian Story on Monday night where I became aware that he was diagnosed with bone cancer early last year and only months later found out that his son had a brain tumour. Amidst all this, he still campaigned hard for his cause. Currently, he is in palliative care with possibly only weeks to live. It is the sad irony of his life. And yet, it makes you realise what an admirable job he has done. I tip my hat off to him.

I hope that long after he is gone, his legacy continues through the R U OK? Day project.

So go on.

Do something.

Connect with a friend.

Ask them the important question.

Just as I ask you, my dear readers and friends: "Are you okay?"

[You can email me if you want to 'talk'. On the other hand, if you are suicidal, I would recommend contacting your doctor or therapist. If you are in Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14]

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Decisions, Decisions...

 
How do you know if you are making the right decision before making it?

This was asked by a friend of mine when I was back in India in June this year.

My answer to her was "you never know". And that's the truth, isn't it? After all, unless and until you see the outcomes of a decision that has been made, you will never know whether it was good or bad. And to be honest, even then, who is to say?

For example, I am currently struggling with a number of things. I think I want to start some private practice work one day a week. I have checked out a room and am yet to make a decision whether to go ahead or not. The reason being I don't know how it will pan out. Will I go months without any referrals and yet have to pay for the rent of the room? What if the area I am looking at is not ideal for private child and adolescent work? Would it be better to try in an area that is more upper class? Simulatenously, I am also wondering whether to study a doctorate in clinical psychology instead. [No, not a PhD but a DPsych]. But even that comes with a lot of 'what ifs'. I do not want to reduce my working days. Actually, make that I cannot afford to do that. And given that there is only one university in the whole of Australia that offers this degree via distance education, makes the decision even harder.

So with these decisions, I will never know whether they are right or wrong until I decide to actually make one. The private practice decision could go any way. I could end up losing money. Or I could end up making money. Further study could be good for the future. Or they may just change the current two-tier pay system and it may not have an impact.

With some decisions in my life, I have usually made pros and cons lists to help make a decision. Even then, one still takes a risk. Unless and until we know exactly what the future holds, there is always a risk in any decision we take.

In hindsight, we realise whether we made a good decision or not. But even with that, sometimes a supposed bad decision can teach us a lot. Or a bad decision can lead us somewhere else. Through making a 'bad' decision, we could meet people who might help us later. We could even grow ourselves and obtain qualities that will be useful in later life.

For instance, there was a friend I had back in India who can best be described as a fair-weather friend. She hung out with me in college until she got popular and then only called me everytime she wanted to brag and feel better about herself or if she wanted to complain about someone else. She would cancel plans on me if something better came up. Yes, I should have ended the relationship long before as I could see she was taking advantage of me. But I didn't. The friendship ended only after I moved here to Australia. But what that taught me was to be assertive. And when I noticed a close friend J here cancelling on me a fair few times, rather than stew about it, I spoke to her about it. Turns out, she hadn't realised it and apologised and we are strong as ever. Plus, she hasn't cancelled on me since I spoke to her.

So yes, while it is hard to make decisions as they involve a certain amount of risk every single time, we can't avoid that. We could probably stagnate in our lives, never ever taking a risk, but that too is a decision.

It is scary. There is no doubt about that. And only time will tell whether it was worthwhile or not.

Until then, we all have to live.

And as for now, I still have to try and make my decision regarding what I mentioned earlier.

Should I or shouldn't I? That is the question.

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

How transparent are you...

...when it comes to your facial expressions and your true feelings?

I am an open book. And you know what?

I don't particularly like it.

For instance, if I dislike someone, I find it hard to be fake and sweet towards them. Don't get me wrong. I am civil enough. But you can tell if I don't like you.  The smile on my face won't reach my eyes. There will be a certain amount of distance possibly through my nonverbal communication.

While people who know me well can even tell when I am worried or sad or angry and even when something is wrong, those who don't know me well enough will still have an idea. There are a couple of people at work I don't particularly like. One is a narcissist and raves on an on about how great they are. Now I can't stand narcissists. And I think it came across that I had a problem listening to this person rave on. Now they don't try and brag about themselves to me but are civil enough as I am with them. So obviously, the dislike for narcissism has come through!

Recently I have been pissed off with someone else who in my opinion was very manipulative. And I am finding it verrrrrrry hard to even pretend or to smile at them [which I do with the narcissist]

It's times like these I really wish I was good at pretending. Or at least wish that my true feelings weren't totally written on my face for the whole world to see!

It's also the reason why if I have problems with my friends, I'm better off being open and assertive about it rather than keep it hidden because they always figure something is wrong. By my expressions and my behaviours. On the other hand, the good thing is that things can get sorted out with people I am close to before I go the deep end of catastrophising. Plus it's good with clients who can see me as being genuine.

I wonder though...what is it that makes some people so open and yet others are so good at hiding their true feelings and emotions...to the point where they may even stab you in the back! Is it something inherited? Like part of one's temperament or personality. Or is it something that can be learnt? Or just something else altogether?

In the mean time though, I have to deal with a person I do not like but am not assertive enough to say so! Gah!

So...how transparent are you?

Do share...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Busy Buzzing Bee

It's almost a year since I started to work at my current job. And the last two months or so since I got back from holidays have been crazy busy!

But you know what?

I'm loving it! Every. Single. Moment.

Currently, I am going through a spate of clients who actually are motivated and continue to attend weekly or fortnightly appointments as required. Given that we are a free service, it is not uncommon to have cancellations or people just failing to show up. But that has been minimal lately.

Most importantly, I have a load of interesting cases of young people with anxiety disorders (I feel a sense of affinity towards these ones...), depressive disorders, trauma, self-harm, chronic pain and the odd behaviour problems. And what that means is that I am learning heaps!

I am also lucky that most people at work are lovely. Makes it an added bonus. If there was a drawback it probably is the travel time. 40 minutes drive each way on a good day. And if there is traffic, I can expect to be in my car for about 50 minutes to an hour or more. There's Sydney traffic for you...even when you work in the suburbs!

There is still the odd family or young person I get frustrated with. And of course, it can be quite difficult finding time to see clients and follow up on phone calls and do school visits and the like. But hey...I am human.

I feel like I've been at this job forever. And yet, there are days I am surprised it'll be a year next week. Does that even make sense?

So how has work been for you?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

The Living End at the Enmore Theatre

3rd September 2011.

I watched The Living End  in concert at the Enmore theatre with a R and C.

Got there around 7:45 p.m. and watched the support acts. King Cannons were the first support act and weren't too bad. But the second support act was torture!! They were a band called Hunting Grounds and looked like a bunch of teenagers who just had music really loud but no substance. I sat through that with my fingers in my ears and I wasn't the only one. A few people walked out (including R) and returned only after they were done to watch The Living End. I also realised I am getting old. How? All I wanted to do was give those youngsters a pair of scissors to cut their hair! It really irked me!

Around 9:30, The Living End hit the stage and they rocked the house for 90 minutes! They played about 7 songs from their new album and several of the old favourites. All I can say is that they are brilliant musicians! Chris Cheney is amazing with the guitar and Scott Owen is exceptional on the double bass. Hell, I've never even seen anyone play double bass, let alone at a rock concert. I cannot stress just how brilliant their musicianship is. The guitar is wicked as are the drums...and of course, I absolutely love their lyrics! The only gripe I had was that they didn't play 'Moment in the sun' which is one of my favourite songs. Not being able to hear after the concert was a testament to how good they were!

I am going to leave you with some pictures:

I had videos too but unable to embed them.

All in all, a rockin' weekend!

So how's your weekend been?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

National Child Protection Week

Here in Australia, National Child Protection Week is from the 4th to the 11th of September. Child protection is all about keeping children safe. Safe from emotional, physical and sexual abuse and neglect.

As a mandatory reporter who works with children and adolescents, I am legally bound to report any signs of the above to Community Services. However, what happens if I see things outside of work? For kids and teens not being seen by me for therapy. Like say, I see signs of physical abuse on the kid next door. Or hear domestic violence in my neighbour's house and know there is a child to witness it all.

I am not mandated to report.

But I still can.

I think if anything, this National Child Protection Week, that would be the message to pass on to people. To intervene if you see or know a child is being abused. And not just sit quietly on the sidelines. You do not have to be a mandatory reporter to make a report to Community Services if you suspect a child being abused.

People worry about making reports because they automatically think the child will be taken away from their parents but the truth is, that is generally the last resort. Community services will see if there are other reports against the parent and check out the facts first.

I can imagine several people thinking "Why should I interfere in someone else's family life?" Here's why.

Ongoing domestic violence can have an adverse impact on the development of the child's brain. Prolonged exposure to stress results in elevated cortisol levels in the brain and this affects the manner in which the brain responds to stress. The child may end up being more anxious, hypervigilant, have poor attachment with their parents and others, or get depressed. [Source] In a domestic violent situation, children can get hurt physically as well and in extreme cases, are at risk of brain injury.

In adolescence, victims of ongoing DV or abuse, are more likely to engage in self-harm and risk taking behaviours including drug and alcohol abuse. Teens who are victims of abuse are more likely to have difficulty eating, sleeping and concentrating and may not care about things in their life. [Source] They are also more at risk of developing mental health problems including post-traumatic stress disorder, depressive disorders and anxiety disorders.

Most unfortunately, children and adolescents do not always disclose abuse. They are either scared or have been threatened to not say a word. There is also the fear that the family may break up and even though some of them may realise that it's better to be out, they still hold themselves responsible. And that is why they need a voice.

They need someone to speak up for them.

To look out for them. Even if it is Joe Blo next door.

Legally we don't have to interfere. But morally, it may be a different story.

Think of it this way --- if adults don't stand up for a child's safety, who will?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

Living beyond your means

Last weekend I watched 'The Company Men' on DVD. It's a movie about the global financial crisis (GFC) and the aftermath focusing on a particular organisation. It was an okay movie but I couldn't feel any empathy for the main characters. And that's where this post is headed. Basically, the main characters work for this big corporate organisation and they are obviously rich and living in mega-mansions and then they are laid-off thanks to the GFC. And it is hard because they then fail to pay bills to their country clubs and the mortgage for their mega-mansion or their Porsche.

I know there was the theory that it was the recession that made Americans in particular realise they were living beyond their means and stretching their credit to the limit. I don't think that it's a far-fetched theory. And doesn't just apply to America but most of the world I would think.

Even today, right here, everyone wants to own a house. Not an apartment. But a 3 or 4 or 5 bedroom house with a backyard. Can they afford it? Well, the banks are always willing to own you so yes, they will give you a loan for about 500,000 to a million. So while you may not be able to afford it, you might still go ahead and take the loan. Then you have the cars. If you are image-conscious, a Holden Barina or Toyota Yaris are not the answer. No. You need a BMW or a Merc or a Peugot. And of course, every family needs a monstrosity of a 4WD to fit the kids in. Once again, the image-conscious need to be seen at the most trendy restaurants and bars. You can't just go to the cheap Indian take-away. You have to go to a place where the food costs at least $20. And the wine you drink has to be expensive. The clothes you wear have to be a designer brand. Jag, Portmans, Gucci, Jacqui E, Marc anthony. You wouldn't be caught dead in Target. And finally, the holidays. Because work is so stressful, you just have to go overseas for holidays. Australia is not good enough. It has to be Bali or Fiji or Hawaii or Europe.

I have never understood the need for living up to an image. When I was younger, I remember my uncle owning these big cars while my parents on the other hand have always had a small one. When I asked my uncle the need for such a car his answer was along the lines of how it was important to have a certain image when you went to the equivalent of a country club and had the valet park your car. I love my uncle. But I completely disagreed with him. And I still do.

I've never had a valet park my car. Maybe because I've never gone to a place that has a valet. I don't buy designer clothes. Mine are from Target when on sale. Or from other stores when on sale. Expensive foods are out. I live in an apartment and I'm perfectly content to bring up my kids in one in the future. My car is a used car --- a 2001 model. As for holidays, I go somewhere not so expensive when I can afford it. I do not earn that much so I don't understand the need to live beyond my means. I prefer saving. [Maybe my parents taught me stuff after all!]

I am no saint. I do have a credit card and I am guilty of the occasional impulse buy on it. But you won't see my buying stuff to have an image of success or an image of being rich. I am not rich. So why should I try and be something I'm not? That doesn't mean I dress like a slob or anything. I know I will need a home loan to buy a house but that doesn't mean I am going to buy a mansion. Because put simply, I can't afford one. I could afford to pay off an apartment though.

What is it that makes us live beyond our means? Is it just narcissism? The need to want to look better than others or keep up with the Joneses. Or do we think we deserve to have it all because we work hard? I understand with the ease of having things like credit cards and interest free periods to purchase goods and have loans, we are able to succumb to any of the above a lot more easily but what makes some of us more prone to it than others?

In the movie, after Ben Affleck's character loses his job, he still wants to keep his successful image and continue playing golf at the country club and dress in desginer clothes and keep his Prosche. But he is unwilling to take the only job available in tough economic times which offers him half his pervious salary.

And the thing is, there are probably people like that. Who think they deserve better and deserve to be living a rich lifestyle.

Even when they can't afford to.


Do you live beyond your means? If so, does it scare you? 

Do share your thoughts...

Until next time,

Cheers!!!