Comments on Over Cups of Coffee: Forgiveness

Trust is an interesting issue Reema...some people ...

2012-02-23T09:59:12.062+11:00

Trust is an interesting issue Reema...some people might be able to forgive but I do wonder if they can actually forget~

there are some things I easily forgive and even fo...

2012-02-22T05:52:28.565+11:00

there are some things I easily forgive and even forget but somethings like betrayal of trust - I neither forgive nor forget.

Welcome here Miss Komal! Forgetting I'm sure c...

2012-01-31T05:54:58.888+11:00

Welcome here Miss Komal! Forgetting I'm sure comes with time as does forgiving for some of us...

Gangu, it's so important not to dwell on the p...

2012-01-31T05:54:16.925+11:00

Gangu, it's so important not to dwell on the past...unfortunately for me I have the tendency to ruminate a lot and maybe that's what gets in the way. I do remember reading your post but will go back to it anyway...

I know what you mean Maddie...I think it's har...

2012-01-31T05:53:01.317+11:00

I know what you mean Maddie...I think it's harder when you can't forgive people in your life. Personally, I could never say I forgive you to someone and honestly be best friends...it's just too hard. It's like we have to start from scratch again in terms of earning trust etc. And you know, if you have been burnt more than once by the same people, it's highly understandable you can't forgive or forget. I had an ex friend who treated me like shit...gave her many chances and finally realised she was using me. Now I'm not in touch with her and I tend to think I've moved on but not completely forgotten what she did.

Hmm...not sure about brave necessarily Bikram...I ...

2012-01-31T05:46:40.518+11:00

Hmm...not sure about brave necessarily Bikram...I tend to think I'm brave in many aspects but I know I find it hard to forgive some things versus others...maybe it's more about whether we just hold grudges more or hold on to negative things more than others?

Welcome here Smokinglife! Yeah I loved that quote....

2012-01-31T05:42:57.432+11:00

Welcome here Smokinglife! Yeah I loved that quote...speaks volumes, doesn't it? I think what you say re justice v forgivenss is important...I think we think sometimes that once we get justice, it's easy to forgive but that's not necessarily true! And yes, it's a choice that you have highlighted so perfectly...it's a choice about how we live I suppose! :)

Ah Spiffy, if only I knew the answer to the questi...

2012-01-29T20:21:40.465+11:00

Ah Spiffy, if only I knew the answer to the question about letting go...possibly we like pain or maybe certain personalities just like to hold on to something no matter how bad?? Who knows! Life can sometimes be so complicated!

Thanks for your thoughts MyEra...I have read your ...

2012-01-29T18:22:40.346+11:00

Thanks for your thoughts MyEra...I have read your post and I think it speaks volumes that you are choosing to forgive and able to forgive him as well. And as you said, you can't possibly forget about it at least not right now...I guess a person knows they have forgiven someone if the thoughts no longer cloud their minds and they are able to get on with their lives and live it to the fullest.

i can forgive ( though very hard to be on the forg...

2012-01-29T17:22:13.994+11:00

i can forgive ( though very hard to be on the forgiving end).....and it is hard to forget ( may be with time... ) :)

I learnt that though I was able to forgive, forget...

2012-01-28T22:38:46.135+11:00

I learnt that though I was able to forgive, forgetting was difficult. But I made a concious effort to forget. It is not like it has all gone away, but since I don't dwell on the past so much, the bad memories have begun to blur.
I have blogged about it here: http://singingintherains.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/learning-to-forgive-and-forget/
But like you mentioned, I don't think I will be able to forgive a cheating spouse ever. That would be the end of the relationship.

I am not so sure whether forgiving and forgetting ...

2012-01-28T02:23:38.288+11:00

I am not so sure whether forgiving and forgetting are mutually exclusive or not. Personally I have forgotten many issues and incidences where I was wronged but I haven't forgiven. What troubles me most is that, I can forget about the incidence and then not stay in touch with him/her. Life is fine then. But what about the people who are always going to be in your life on a long term basis. How do you forget then? And then what do you mean by forgiving. Do you say, I forgive you and then behave like best friends? Or do you forgive but still maintain you distance? I have never been able to do that. The evil people in my life have always been able to find means to hurt and wrong me further. When this happens it is difficult to let go of old grudges. I know am not making much sense. Bottom line I cannot forgive and neither can I forget.

Thats why they say the only the BRAVE can forgive ...

2012-01-27T22:26:58.132+11:00

Thats why they say the only the BRAVE can forgive ..

i think i am not that brave hence i dont forget and i dont forgive .. I need to work on that

Bikram's

The quote speaks for itself :). I personally feel ...

2012-01-27T17:59:59.849+11:00

The quote speaks for itself :).
I personally feel that, forgiving and forgetting is a choice.
Whatever the damage that has been done by the perpetrators, it has been done and we have no control over it. We can fight for justice and punish the perpetrators. But it will not put you at ease if you don't let yourself to forgive and forget. You obviously cannot forget easily, but you can forgive.
You can choose to forgive and learn to appreciate the other beautiful things in life or you can choose to hold the hatred/grudge/anger/guilt and be wallowed in that forever and never opening your eyes to the world around you.

I have the same problem. I can forgive, but can...

2012-01-27T17:02:49.274+11:00

I have the same problem. I can forgive, but can't forget. It's very hard for me, and it's definitely something that I am working on. I remember each and every abusive text msg that my ex sent me after I broke up with him. I claim to have forgiven him, because I'm apathetic towards him now. I neither hate nor love him. But like you said, if I haven't forgoteen, I'm not sure whether I have forgiven either...

Why is it so hard to let go of things that have hurt us, when there are so many other good things that have happened, to make up for the crappy things? Maybe because subconsciously, we like the pain.

I personally find forgiving and forgetting all abo...

2012-01-27T16:50:58.528+11:00

I personally find forgiving and forgetting all about it exclusive. Though I totally agree with the quote in the post, and I actually did something on the same lines by choosing to forgive my soon-to-be-ex-husband despite the harm he's done to me and my daughter's life, forgetting all about it isn't going to happen anytime soon.